Distrust could shatter fragile relationship

Dear Annie: I am 45 years old, married for 15 years, with three children. Last summer, I discovered that my wife was having an affair with another man. She immediately ended it. Since then, we've had couples counseling to work through what led to the affair and how to deal with the aftermath. We have made great progress and are closer now than before.
Here is the problem. My wife still works in the same office as the "Other Man." In fact, their cubicles are adjacent, and they continue to co-manage projects. My wife assures me they have no contact besides what is necessary for business, and I have no doubt that she is sincere. But from the beginning, I have made it clear that I am uncomfortable with her work arrangement and I want there to be a permanent, physical separation between the two of them.
For a time, we thought that he might change jobs, but those hopes have faded. We have spoken often about her working elsewhere. She is hesitant to do so because of the perks and salary of her current position. Still, she told me that she wants to "do the right thing" and has promised to leave.
Eight months have passed, and she has made little or no effort to find a new job. Whenever I broach the subject, she gets tense and resentful. She thinks I am trying to punish her, but I can't bear the thought of the two of them maintaining a relationship, even a professional one. Am I being unreasonable? Looking for a Fresh Start
Dear Looking: Often, one of the conditions of getting past an affair is giving up contact with the other person. Of course, it requires more effort when it also entails giving up a job, but your marriage should be worth it. Your wife no doubt believes she can handle this, but staying close to this man will eat away at whatever fragile trust there is between you. Go back to your counselor and sort it out.
Dear Annie: Now that swimsuit season is almost here, I am asking that you reconsider the advice you gave to the woman whose friend neglected to remove her bikini hair before attending a pool party.
I also have a lot of hair, and the inevitable irritation and discomfort that follows any means of hair removal from that sensitive area has caused me to give up any attempt to do so. Do I want people to look at my nether-regions? Of course not. But conforming to society's expectations of hairless women simply isn't worth the pain and itching that follows. My friends still invite me to their pool parties because they value my company more than the appearance of my thighs. We laugh about it. Bushy in a Bikini
Dear Bikini: If your friends don't mind, we certainly don't. But we are not going to tell others that they are wrong to feel uncomfortable. Viewing bikini hair is, for some, intensely intimate and seems like an invasion of personal space. Women who find it uncomfortable to shave, wax or use depilatories, but still want to cover up, can wear swimsuits with skirts or shorts attached. It solves the problem and can be flattering as well.
Dear Annie: My heart connected with "Worried Mom," whose 14-year-old daughter was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I have two teenage girls. Talking and taking away privileges worked for my now-18-year-old. However, it's not working for my 15-year-old.
I have tried everything, and she still is gravitating toward the not-so-good kids. In desperation, I have decided to go to school with her for a day. On Friday of next week I have made an appointment to be her buddy at school. She is not too happy about it, but I refuse to lose my child to this scary world and will do whatever it takes to guide her. Mama Trauma in California
Dear Mama: An interesting approach. Let us know what happens.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's I, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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