Supporters offer up advice

Dear Annie: I want to respond to "Done," the never-married, 42-year-old academic woman who thinks love has passed her by.
For five years after my divorce, I felt the same way. I decided this was a great time to do all the things I was too scared or never had the time to do. So I took a graduate course, jumped out of a plane, acted in community theater, traveled to Europe alone, ran my first 5K and went solo camping and rock climbing. I talked to God and read articles to help me deal with personal issues (Oprah's magazine was a godsend). I learned I was my own good company.
Two months later, I finally had the confidence to try online dating. Guess what? I met the most wonderful man. It took me until I was 42 to learn how to feel worthy enough to be loved by a good person.
"Done" has a lot of work to do to heal herself, but there is beauty down the road. I wish her the best and I'll pray for her. Virginia Beach, Va.
Dear Virginia Beach: That letter really resonated with our readers. They wanted "Done" to know that they have been in her shoes and they are thinking of her. Here is a small sampling of our mail:
From Louisville, Ky.: The best way to feel lovable is to love others. There are struggling children who need mentors, terminally ill patients who need a hand to hold and lonely elderly folks with stories to share. If "Done" looks to the needs of others, she'll have less time to dwell on her own.
Kelowna, Canada: I wonder if "Done" is taking medication for what she describes as "low-level depression." Anti-depressants have changed a lot, and the first one a person tries may not be the best. I am now using a combination of two anti-depressants and have never felt better.
Chicago Doctor: There is a medical condition called "dysthymic disorder," which affects mostly unmarried women younger than 64 and is characterized by a depressed mood that lasts most of the day and is present for at least two years. If she doesn't receive proper treatment, including psychotherapy and medication, she won't feel any better, regardless of how much counseling she gets.
Midwest: I'm a 44-year-old divorced female engineer. I have few close friends and date rarely. But I take great satisfaction from my career and have lots of hobbies and activities. I have a positive attitude not because I try to, but because I'm content with myself and that spills over into every part of my life. People who think poorly of themselves will attract others who are unhappy. And if she's desperate for love, it will be a giant red flag.
Semora, N.C.: I am an 82-year-old male former academic who has never been happier. The world does not owe you happiness, but it opens to you the means to happiness when you adjust your outlook. Be grateful for life, health, education, a profession, a world of opportunity. Take up some form of regular exercise. Move to where you can be in tune with nature's rhythms. Learn new life skills. Practice an art or craft and make something beautiful. Give back to the planet and the community. Giving can make you rich.
Ohio: She should volunteer at a children's hospital or nursing home. And in so doing, she may find someone who shares her interests and with whom she can be a real friend.
Southern Illinois: That letter touched me deeply. Within the past year, I lost my boyfriend of 10 months and a job that had seemed promising. I would urge "Done" to get involved in positive activities such as community or worship services. Taking up a sport or hobby or joining a club would be good, too. And don't overlook support groups. Life often hands us a raw deal, but we are responsible for creating our own happiness. If we don't like the direction in which our lives are traveling, we have to turn the steering wheel. Don't give up.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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