ANNIE'S MAILBOX 'Chet' is rushing her into a relationship

Dear Annie: I have been seeing "Chet" for two months. I feel like he is rushing us. He has been over every weekend since we met. Even his friends joke about it, saying things like, "Well, maybe you should ask your 'wife' before hanging out with the boys."
We met through a phone dating service. Before I talked to Chet, I was single, by choice, for nearly four years. Two days after our first phone call, we met face-to-face. After he took me home, it seems we were an instant couple.
I have asked him to take his time and back off a little, but he says we are in a "relationship" and his behavior is normal. Am I wrong to ask him to go slow? Or is he right that I should act like he is my one and only? In Desperate Need of My Space
Dear Desperate: The only relevant factors are that you feel crowded and rushed, and Chet isn't listening when you ask him to slow down. It's way too soon for him to be your "one and only," and he isn't giving you enough space to figure it out. In about a month, you are going to resent him so much, it will be over. It's quite possible that you are a bit gun-shy after four years of being single, so you may need a little more time to be comfortable in a relationship. Tell him quite clearly that he must respect your feelings on this and slow down. If he keeps pushing, say goodbye.
Dear Annie: I've been married to "Claire" for 20 years. When we started a family, we decided she should quit her job and stay home with the kids. She hasn't worked since, and the kids are now 10 and 12 years old.
We currently are faced with high credit card bills, and our house is mortgaged to 110 percent of its current market value. Over the last few years, I have mentioned more than once that Claire should find a part-time job to help pay off some of these bills. She refuses, saying she already has worked for 20 years. I work two jobs just so we can get by, and we still are barely able to pay our monthly bills. At this rate, I will have to work for another 44 years.
Is it unreasonable to ask her to find a job? Broke in Ohio
Dear Broke: It isn't unreasonable. With two children in school most of the day, there's no reason Claire cannot find part-time employment, but you cannot force her to do it. It's time to give Claire an allowance and limit her access to credit cards and checking accounts. It isn't punishment, it's realistic. When she sees that her lifestyle is restricted, she may decide to get a job in order to pay for those things she wants or needs. Until then, it's important to keep the household budget in check.
Dear Annie: I'd like to reply to "Spinning My Tractor Wheels," whose husband is a farmer and never has time for his family. I understand how frustrated she is. My suggestion? Have the kids help Daddy. Even a 2-year-old is not too young to hand Daddy a wrench when he is working on equipment.
Both my husband and I worked full time with three kids, yet kept the family close by involving the youngsters with our car repair work and with helping around the house. By the age of 8, all of them could change the oil in our cars, and by age 10, they could rotate the tires. Our daughter paid her way through medical school by fixing other students' cars. Happy and Busy in Anchorage
Dear Anchorage: We're impressed. We heard from many farmers and their wives, and they all pointed out that farming is a 24/7 job and the wife and kids should help more. Thanks for writing.
Creators Syndicate
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