ANNIE'S MAILBOX 'Ned' will drive miles for free room, board

Dear Annie: My boyfriend, "Ned," and I are both divorced, in our early 50s, and have been dating for over six years. Ned lives and works 75 miles from my home but doesn't mind driving, so he stays with me every weekend.
Ned has a very small, sparse condo, while my home is much larger and in a beautiful neighborhood. Our incomes are just as disproportionate. He makes a good six figures while I make about half that. Ned treats me to an occasional dinner (we usually split them), and he does have the expense of driving to my house, but other than that, I buy all the food and household supplies, pay for the utilities, etc. We even drive my car while he's here.
I think Ned should contribute a small amount toward my expenses. He disagrees, saying that my costs wouldn't change that much if he weren't here. But I feel as if I am paying to have a companion.
We've talked about moving in together, and we would probably split the expenses, but he says, "The time isn't right." I think he's reluctant because, well, why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? What do you think? Mooing in Pennsylvania
Dear Mooing: Anyone who eats meals and uses your shower every weekend should help defray the costs. An occasional dinner would be OK if he stayed once a month, but otherwise, that doesn't really cover it. He may spend $30 on gas, but what do you spend on groceries, utilities and the use of your car all weekend?
By the way, if Ned makes twice your salary, lives in a "small, sparse condo," and recoils at the thought of contributing a dime to the expense of housing him eight days a month, we wonder if perhaps his frugality borders on stinginess.
Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from "Sober by Choice in Montana," who attended many cocktail parties as part of her husband's business. She was constantly being asked why she didn't drink and if she had "a bun in the oven." You told her to hold a drink that looked like alcohol, which would stop the questions, or tell people she was the designated driver.
Why must she pretend? If rude questions are asked, she ought to say, "I'm avoiding alcohol because I choose to do so. I'm surprised you would ask." Arizona Reader
Dear Arizona: The problem with being so forthright is that it could be considered rude to her husband's business associates, and it doesn't solve the problem of people assuming she is pregnant. Holding a nonalcoholic drink is the easiest way to avoid being asked any questions at all, and most of our readers agreed with that advice. Here are some who had other suggestions:
From California: Saying "I'm the designated driver" may be interpreted as "My husband drinks too much." All she needs to do is hold up her nonalcoholic drink and say, "I'm fine, thanks."
Midwest: An AA friend of mind offered these suggestions. "No thanks, I've had enough." Or, "I am allergic to alcohol." If asked how, say, "I break out in spots." You do not have to add, "In places like Chicago, Miami and San Francisco."
New York: She should simply say, "I don't like it." That'll stop 'em. I know. I say it. Some drinkers may be baffled beyond measure, but that's their problem.
Florida: When pushed, I reply, with a conspiratorial smile, "I can't, I'm the designated blackmailer. It's a rotten job, but someone has to do it."
Mississippi: I tell people I want to stay sober so I can watch all the drunks make fools of themselves.
Florida: Years ago, as a young Air Force wife, I had to attend such parties. There was a young bartender who knew I didn't imbibe, and he would fix me a nonalcoholic "drink." Whenever my husband was reassigned to a new base, I would find another friend at the bar to fix me a "special." I never had anyone ask me questions.
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