Parents likely affect kids' attitude toward sex

A strong father-daughter bond played a big role, one researcher found.
By SAMANTHA CRITCHELL
ASSOCIATED PRESS
NEW YORK -- When it comes to adolescents' attitudes toward sex, movies matter. And so does locker-room chatter. But two recent studies also note the influence parents have over their children -- even if it is sometimes indirect.
The effect also seems to be much more pronounced if the adolescent is a girl.
If adolescent girls perceive their parents' disapproval of teenage sex, she is less likely to have a sexually transmitted disease six years later, according to the study published in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine. Dr. Carol Ford, an associate professor at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, lead researcher of the 2005 study, says the findings indicate that parents should make their view on sex clear to their children.
At the same time, a recent study published by the Journal of Family Issues spearheaded by Mark Regnerus, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, found that girls with close relationships with their fathers tended to put off having sex.
No set age
There's no "magic number" when it comes to the age or maturity level that parents believe is the right time for sex, nor is there a single best way for parents to prepare their children for the event, says Ford, though most parents say they would indeed prefer that their children wait "until they're older."
But it seems the earlier that parents start talking about sex, the older that children are when they lose their virginity, Ford says.
"Even if parents aren't talking about sex, kids are hearing about it, so it's best for parents to find a way to discuss it, too. Talk about what's on TV -- and indicate whether you think it's acceptable or unacceptable behavior. What you say will vary depending on the kid, the family's values."
She adds: "Waiting until 10 or 11 for 'the big talk' is less effective than incorporating the topic of sexuality in the course of everyday conversation. Discussions won't come easy, but if it doesn't go the way you wish, you can revisit the conversation a few days later. Humor and laughter will help make the conversations comfortable for everyone."
Recommendation
Ford recommends simply keeping sex as part of parents' vocabulary, not harping on it but not shying away from opportunities to let their thoughts be known. Also, consider your own children's ability to comprehend what you're about to say, she says.
With a middle-schooler, for example, don't shut the door on future conversations by speaking in very harsh and specific terms, Ford advises. Instead, she says, if you've come into contact with a young single mother, just make an observation: "It'll be hard for her to finish school with a baby, and, gosh, it's hard to raise a kid when you're so young."
"Consider it an ongoing dialogue instead of 'the big talk,"' Ford says.
The "don't-have-sex-until-you're-married" edict might carry a clearer message, but it might not have as much weight as a series of conversations about why parents believe that and why they want it for their children, Ford says.
About the study
The UNC study based its conclusions on interviews done as part of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. Children were first interviewed in 1995, when they were in grades 7-12. Six years later, interviews were conducted with more than 75 percent of the original group. Overall, 6 percent of the respondents tested positive for either chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis during the second go-around.
Ford says in her own conversations with teenagers thinking about having sex, they're considering the emotional pros and cons, not the risk of STDs or pregnancy. Because of that, it makes sense that their perception of how their own parents view sex is an influencing factor.
"The relationship with a parent is very powerful in influencing kids' ideas about what's OK and what's not OK, but, at the same time, honestly, I do think it's important to get comfortable with the idea of a third party that they [parents] trust to have these conversations, too. It could be a physician, aunt, best friend's mother -- someone who knows their values," Ford says. "It's just the dynamics of parent and child. It has nothing to do with being a bad parent."
Playing a significant role
Regnerus, of UT Austin, embarked on his study, which also used information from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, to gauge the effect of religion in sexual decision making. It turned out religion didn't have much of an impact, but when examining adolescents who live in intact, two-parent families, Regnerus did find that a strong father-daughter bond played a significant role.
"For girls, my best assessment of why fathers are so important is that teenagers of all sorts are 'connectional beings.' As adolescent girls age, they move from a relationship with their fathers to relationships with boys or young men. In the absence of a good quality relationship with their father, the shift happens earlier," Regnerus says.
"It's not that girls are hellbent on having sex; it's more about the transfer of relationships with men. Girls with a healthy relationship with dad don't need to look for male love elsewhere."
It's possible dad also put the kibosh on dating, and because the girl values his opinion, she delays a romantic relationship, which usually means delaying sex, he says.
No comparable relationship appeared with boys or with the mother-child relationship, according to the study.
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.