KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Mom has trouble adjusting to new lifestyle

Dear Annie: My 84-year-old mother was recently admitted to a nursing home after a fall. Mom has lived alone for 15 years, but in the last few years, she's gone downhill.
I am 500 miles away, but my brother lives nearby, and he did everything possible to help Mom stay in her apartment. When she fell down, she was taken to the care center for rehabilitation. After evaluating her, the doctors came to the conclusion that she can no longer live alone.
Mom is not aware that she is in the facility permanently. She knows she needs 24-hour care, but she believes it's temporary. Mom refuses to use her walker and waits for a nurse to take her wherever she needs to go. Therapy is the only place she gets exercise. She cries and carries on that she wants to go home, asking us to come get her. When we tell her she cannot leave, she threatens to walk home.
How can we get through to her that the nursing home is best? Her quality of life is so much better there. Not only does she have daily care, but there are people around her constantly. My brother visits every day, as do other family members. I'm not sure she appreciates it. Should we be doing more? Helpless in North Carolina
Dear Helpless: Your mother may recognize her need to be in the home, but the sudden permanence of her situation requires that she receive some help adjusting to her new surroundings and dealing with any possible depression. Some nursing homes have a social worker on staff, and also an independent ombudsman assigned to help address such issues. The phone number for the ombudsman should be posted in the office, but if not, ask the administrator. You also can speak with the admissions coordinator or one of the nurses to find out if the home has an arrangement with any outside organizations to provide therapeutic services.
Dear Annie: I have coached high school sports for 15 years. At the end of every season, we have an "Awards Night" where we recognize each student-athlete, and we also honor a few students who have given their all to the sport.
The problem is that there is always at least one person who complains that his or her child didn't get one of these "special" awards. This season, we had two parents who were particularly upset, yet both their children had lackluster years and lost all enthusiasm for the sport. When their children didn't receive honors, the parents labeled me as unfair and retaliated by encouraging their kids not to compete on our team next year.
Please tell parents they do their children a disservice by teaching them that they are always entitled to the top award. Being gracious when one loses and being happy for a teammate who has accomplished something special are qualities that express more maturity and team unity than grabbing a trophy to fulfill the vicarious needs of a parent. Caring Coach
Dear Coach: There always will be parents who expect their children to get better grades and higher honors, deserved or not. These children often go through life thinking they are entitled to special treatment or convinced they are failures. You are right -- the parents do them no favor.
Dear Annie: In your reply to "Clueless in California," the woman whose husband sleeps 48 hours at a time, you missed an important possibility: substance abuse.
I work with families whose loved ones are addicted, and many have described a very similar scenario. Remember that denial is often present in the addict and the family. My heart goes out to that woman. Seen That in the Midwest
Dear Seen That: Thank you for providing another possible explanation for the man who sleeps through the weekends. We hope his wife will check it out.
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