Divorc & eacute;e is taking advantage of their hospitality

Dear Annie: Last year, after a bitter divorce, my husband's sister and her children moved in with us. "Betty" promised she would get a job as soon as the kids were settled. Of course, once school started, Betty felt she couldn't work because the kids were in a new school and she wanted to be available if the school needed her.
Betty's ex-husband sends child support and pays the health and car insurance bills. I don't know how much money my sister-in-law receives each month, but she says she is unable to afford a place of her own. Meanwhile, the kids have and do whatever they want. They are spoiled brats who never lift a finger around the house. Betty used to help out, but now is "too busy with the children" to do anything at all.
It has been a long year, and I miss my privacy. My husband feels the same but says he can't ask his sister to leave. We talked with our pastor, who suggested we give Betty a timeline to find her own place and tell her we'll help her reach her goal.
I'm afraid Betty is just too comfortable with the living arrangements and in no hurry to leave. What should we do? Is there a support group for a family that is being taken advantage of? Stressed-Out Sister-in-Law
Dear Stressed Out: Betty may have been overwhelmed after the divorce, and your home provided a refuge, but after a year, it's time for her to get it together. The current arrangement is not healthy for her children. They need to see their mother as a strong, independent woman.
Your pastor gave you good advice. Help Betty look for a job, after-school day care for her children and an affordable apartment, and tell her you expect them to be in their own place within the next three months. In the meantime, assign chores for everyone in the house. Your place needs to be a bit less cozy.
Dear Annie: I need advice on how to get the law changed for fathers to have some kind of say on how their kids live.
My ex-wife left me, taking our four children and moving in with an abusive man who has hit her several times. He also is physically abusive toward my kids. I know he spanked my 3-year-old daughter until my ex intervened and pulled him off.
Social Services has denied me help, and the police act as if I'm some sort of criminal for wanting my children out of that environment. Can you offer me any assistance? Stuck in Biloxi, Miss.
Dear Biloxi: We aren't sure why neither the police nor Social Services has been helpful, although we would imagine Social Services has been inundated and understaffed since Katrina. Please try the Center for the Prevention of Child Abuse (www.mscpca.com) serving southern Mississippi, at 3201 D Ave., Gulfport, MS 39507. It's now up and running. Someone there should be able to advise you about available resources in your area.
Dear Annie: This is for "All Cleaned Up in Montreal," who asked if it was a compliment when someone told her she "cleaned up real nice."
I used to be a waitress at a truck stop. One day, I attended a fancy wedding. As I was leaving the reception, a man looked up from a table across the room and said hello. It turned out to be the bread deliveryman from the truck stop. Then he added, "You look nice with clothes on." Everyone gasped and started laughing. I have never seen a man with such a red face. He explained that he meant regular clothes instead of my uniform. I still smile when I remember the incident. F.
Dear F.: We're smiling, too. Thanks for a good chuckle.
Annie's Snippet for St. Patrick's Day: For each petal on the shamrock, this brings a wish your way -- good health, good luck and happiness, for today and every day.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.