MIL doesn't realize how intrusive visits are
Dear Annie: My mother-in-law visits our area every year for five months at a time. She doesn't ask if it's convenient, she just tells us when she's coming. She stays at our house on the weekends and with other family members during the week.
I love her dearly, but she is totally oblivious to how intrusive she is. During the week, she stops by our house and lets herself in without knocking. On the weekends, she wakes up much earlier than the rest of us, so that when I get out of bed, I find her sitting in my chair, reading my newspaper and drinking out of my favorite coffee cup.
Our youngest son started college last fall, and my husband and I were just beginning to enjoy our empty house. How can I nicely tell Mom that we need our privacy and to quit walking in without knocking? And how do I get her to stop usurping my chair and coffee cup? Goldilocks' Daughter-in-Law
Dear Goldilocks' DIL: First, present Mom with her very own coffee cup (get one that has "Mom" printed on it), and say you hope she likes it. You won't be able to get her out of your chair without asking her directly (we suspect it's pretty comfortable), so either assign her a different chair, or live with it. As for entering your home without knocking, bolt the door. Tell her you feel safer that way. If none of this works, it's time for your husband to have a little talk with his mother.
Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old woman, happily married for 16 years. I also became a chronic pain patient after an accident. I had a spinal fusion, which stabilized my spine and improved my condition enough that I could go back to work.
Until this week, my husband, "Chuck," was incredibly supportive and understanding. He does a lot around the house, and our children also pitch in. Suddenly, however, Chuck is starting to question my treatment.
I thought he understood that in pain management, you don't expect to be cured, only to keep your pain levels manageable. I've had injections, steroids, physical therapy and more. Sometimes treatment works, sometimes not, but I realize the goal is to control my pain so I can lead a semi-normal life. Now Chuck thinks I should find another doctor who will "make me better."
I've tried explaining things, and asked him to come to my next appointment, but nothing gets through. How can I make him understand that I'm never going to be the way I was before? Still Functioning in Georgia
Dear Georgia: While your pain has been difficult for you, don't underestimate how stressful it has been for your husband. He is frustrated and disappointed, and having a hard time accepting that life has turned out differently than he expected. You both could benefit from some support. Please contact the American Chronic Pain Association (theacpa.org) at (800) 533-3231.
Dear Annie: I'm still upset after reading the solutions from teachers about how to deal with the "problem" of kids using the bathroom.
I've taught middle school for 20 years, and I find these restrictions demeaning. I let my students use the bathroom whenever they need to. My colleagues say kids use it as an excuse to get out of my classroom. I say, so what? These kids have to sit at hard desks all day long with no breaks other than lunch. If they want to take a few minutes to stretch their legs and clear their minds, they deserve it.
Never once has a student asked to use the bathroom in the middle of a lesson or test. Some actually have thanked me for this policy, since my class is the only time they can use the bathroom without feeling shamed or punished. It is a matter of dignity, biology and common sense. Midwest
Dear Midwest: You have made some excellent points, and your students obviously aren't using bathroom breaks as a way to engage in less-than-acceptable behavior, but we suspect not all teachers are so fortunate.
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Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.