KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She's begun to question husband's faithfulness

Dear Annie: My husband and I both were married before, and each of our previous marriages lasted over 40 years. Recently, I have not been so sure about my husband's faithfulness.
A few months ago, I spent a weekend with my children (a four-hour drive), and when I came back, I cleaned the house and found this long black hair on the floor. We have no family or friends with hair like that, and I asked my husband how this hair got in the house. He said he had no idea. However, I have found identical black hairs in the house twice before.
I am in pain over this and want to know your opinion. Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: A long black hair on the floor is not sufficient evidence to convict your husband of cheating. It could be someone's cat, a hair attached to the mail by the postal carrier or stuck to the newspaper, or your husband may be wearing a wig while you're gone.
If this is your only source of suspicion, leave it alone. However, if there are other signs that all is not well, ask your husband to go with you for marriage counseling so you can work on your insecurities.
Dear Annie: I am 60 years old and a widow of two years. I had open-heart surgery three years ago, am overweight and have diabetes. I'm not a calm and gracious widow. I'm cranky and fearful and really miss my husband.
What is really bothering me is that my nice young family doctor says I no longer need to bother having pelvic exams, Pap smears, breast exams or mammograms. Is this correct?
I've still got all my parts. I'm past menopause, and my mother died of cancer when I was 34. How do they detect cancer in older women if they don't test for it? Is the doctor saying this because I'm old and scarred where they put me back together and may not live long enough for any other disease to matter?
Are there guidelines on what tests women should have as we age? Indiana
Dear Indiana: Older women need regular pelvic exams because you are still at risk for cervical or vaginal cancer, not to mention other problems, such as urinary incontinence. Some doctors eliminate Pap smears for women over 65 who have had a total hysterectomy or three negative Pap smears in a row and no abnormal ones in the last 10 years. However, your doctor should absolutely do a breast exam. It is particularly important for older women because the risk of breast cancer increases with age. You should have a mammogram every two years unless there is a history of breast cancer, in which case, your doctor may recommend that you have one annually.
Your "nice young family doctor" may not be the right physician for you. Ask for a referral to a gerontologist (a doctor who specializes in the care of older patients), or contact your state medical society or nearest hospital.
Dear Annie: I am writing about the woman whose mother-in-law tells lies about her. The woman's friend, a nurse, let her know that Mom was spreading rumors about her financial situation. The nurse learned this information when caring for the mother-in-law as a patient.
I want to tell the nurse something: You broke the law. By saying that you cared for the mother-in-law, you revealed her health information, which is privileged between the patient and his/her caregivers. As health professionals, we have a responsibility to keep quiet, no matter how tempting it may be to "spill the beans." To do less is unethical, illegal and undermines the trust the public places in us. Oncology Nurse Educator
Dear O.N.E.: You were not the only nurse to point this out, although it must be incredibly difficult to keep quiet when a patient has a mouth as big as this particular MIL.
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