ANNIE'S MAILBOX She doesn't understand 'Ted's' lack of interest

Dear Annie: My husband, "Ted," and I are having a serious problem. Ted never touches or kisses me. We had sex only twice last year, and both of those times happened when we were away on vacation.
"Ted" is a healthy 42-year-old man who would rather have sex with himself than with me. I have asked him if he was having an affair. He said no. I asked him if he was just trying to drive me to get a divorce. He said he doesn't want a divorce.
One day, I phoned him at work and said I missed him. He said he missed me, too, and that we would get together that night. At 7 p.m., I suggestively told him, "I'm going into the bedroom now." I waited two hours. When Ted finally came up, he was carrying the newspaper. He said, "I thought I'd read for a while."
Since then, he has slept in the guest room. We've gone for marriage counseling in the past, but it hasn't worked. I am currently seeing a counselor alone because of the depression and loneliness.
I am an attractive woman in my 40s, and I don't understand this. If I don't have sex soon, I'm going to explode. What are my options? Significantly Not Getting Any in Central Alabama
Dear Alabama: You could try taking more vacations, but that doesn't seem practical. Ted apparently is not asexual, since he is having sex -- although not with you. You asked him if he was having an affair, but you didn't ask if he was gay, looking at pornography or sexually interested in something other than adult females, any of which could explain his lack of interest in you.
Ask your husband to try counseling again, but if he refuses, or if it doesn't help, you need to decide whether you want to continue like this, finding sexual release some other way. The counselor you are currently seeing should help you work through your choices.
Dear Annie: My daughter, "Rita," is 21 years old, a high-school dropout and single mother to an infant. She is a great mother. The problem is her grandmother.
Grandma has bought Rita a house, plus all the furnishings, a car and designer clothes. She also pays all of Rita's bills. My daughter has no interest in getting a job. Why should she bother?
Grandma thinks the sun rises and sets on Rita. How can I make both of them see that this is ruining her? Rita hasn't learned the value of a dollar. How is she going to care for herself and her daughter when the gravy train ends?
By the way, Rita is not the only grandchild, but she's the only one treated like gold. What can I do? Too Much Help Is Harmful
Dear Harmful: Not much. Rita is an adult, although not a very responsible one, and you cannot control what Grandma does. This is not love. This is a way of creating dependence. Grandma wants to be needed. If she truly cared about Rita's future, she would take steps to help her become more independent. If you and your husband cannot make it clear to Grandma (and to Rita) that this is a destructive course of action, Rita will just have to learn her lesson the hard way. Sorry.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Clueless in California," whose husband slept all weekend but was ready for work on Monday. My husband had the same problem. When he had a checkup on a Saturday, the doctor noticed that he had an abnormally slow heart rate.
It turned out my husband had been drinking several cups of coffee during the week, but not on the weekend. His body responded to caffeine withdrawal by sleeping. By Sunday night, his body had adjusted, and he was fine on Monday morning. The next weekend he again went into a tailspin. Susan in Staten Island
Dear Susan: This is probably more common than people realize. Thanks.
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