Adoptee struggles with birthday celebrations

Dear Annie: I have a birthday coming up, and to put it briefly, it's a sad occasion for me because I was put up for adoption, making my birth cold and disconnected. My birthday has gotten increasingly difficult for me to enjoy, and I would prefer that any celebration happen after the fact, if at all.
My parents think I am being selfish, that I am making the occasion all about me, and that I do not appreciate my existence or what they have given me. This is not true. It just makes me sad that my life had to start out that way.
I have other emotions that I can't really understand. I only know that my birthday is sad and I would like to be left alone. I don't want presents, but my parents want to celebrate. Last year's birthday was horrendous (I burst into tears at a restaurant), and I would not like a repeat.
Please help me convince my parents that I do appreciate what they've given me. This day simply has more to do with a broken relationship from my past. Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: We think you are a little obsessed with your birth. Of course your parents want to celebrate -- the day you were born, a much-wanted child came into their lives. It's also the day you found a loving and supportive family. We do not know why you insist on looking at your birth in the most negative way possible, but because your focus hasn't improved over time, it might help to talk to a counselor about it and those "other emotions" you don't understand.
Dear Annie: A few years ago, my husband had a colostomy. Since then, every time I've mentioned taking a vacation, he looks for excuses not to go, claiming it would be difficult to empty and clean the colostomy bag.
I realize that toilet facilities in some parts of the USA and Western Europe are not the best, but there must be tourists who have coped with this situation. Maybe your readers can come up with answers. Need To Get Away
Dear Get Away: According to the United Ostomy Associations of America (uoaa.org; 800-826-0826), many people with ostomies travel extensively. The organization has recommendations about how to pack, what to bring on the plane, how to store supplies in your car, etc. Your husband needs to feel secure about managing a trip. Please contact the United Ostomy Associations of America for some helpful tips and reassurance.
Dear Annie: I would like to present a different idea of how to entertain out-of-town wedding guests instead of inviting them to the rehearsal dinner.
At a wedding I attended recently, there were probably three dozen out-of-town guests. A hospitality room with a nice buffet supper was set up in the hotel where the guests were staying. Guests were informed that they were welcome there anytime after 5 p.m. After traveling all day, we frankly were relieved that we did not have to attend a formal rehearsal dinner. We expected to just grab a bite and go to our rooms, but found the other guests so interesting that we stayed a couple of hours. I highly recommend this. A.S., Indianapolis, Ind.
Dear A.S.: We caught a lot of flack over that response, so we will retract it -- to a point. You are not required to include out-of-town guests at the rehearsal dinner, but it is both gracious and appropriate to provide a way for them to eat upon arrival. They are, after all, probably unfamiliar with the city and its restaurants, and they have gone through a lot of effort to attend the festivities. We like your idea of having a hospitality room with food available. Other readers suggested individual baskets of goodies in the hotel rooms. We're sure people can come up with innovative and helpful ideas of their own. Just don't abandon your guests, please.
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