Annie's Mailbox Increased sex drive causes problems

Dear Annie: I am 37 years old and have been married for eight years to "Paul," age 42. We have four beautiful children.
In the last several months, Paul's sex drive has increased full throttle. His sex drive is so high, I'm wondering if he has a mistress. In all the years we've been married, he has never had the desire and drive that he does right now.
I must admit that although I like his high-octane interest, it is a little disturbing because I don't understand why he seems so obsessed. If we don't have sex every day, he takes it as an insult.
How can I handle his energy? With four kids, I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Paul is an attractive man, and I don't want to lose him to another woman because I'm not meeting his needs at home. Unnamed in Virginia
Dear Unnamed: First, ask Paul to get a complete checkup. A sudden change in sexual desire can indicate a medical problem. If he checks out OK, you need to talk to him. For some men, the need to prove their virility is a form of control and domination, and it keeps you insecure about satisfying him. This is especially true if Paul insists on sex every day, knowing that you are exhausted. If he cannot show you some consideration, it's time to see a counselor -- with or without him.
Dear Annie: I need advice on a strange family situation. I have been married to "Denise" for eight years. We each were married before and met at a support group for "dumpees." Denise went through many bad times in her first marriage.
Last week, we learned that her ex-mother-in-law passed away after a long illness. Denise hadn't seen her in more than 20 years. In a few weeks, the ex-husband will be bringing his mother's ashes to our state for a memorial service, after which he wants to have a reception for local relatives.
Denise suggested that, to save her sons from having to help their dad look for a place for the get-together, we host it at our house. I said I didn't feel comfortable having her ex and his relatives at our house, although I did say that if, and only if, no other suitable place could be found, I would reluctantly go along with it.
Now, in her eyes, I'm the bad guy. When Denise divorced, she went through bankruptcy, but now we are doing very well together. I think she wants the gathering here to show her ex-relatives her current status and our very nice home. Am I out of line for not wanting these people in our house? Current Hubby
Dear Current: We won't say you're out of line, but you ought to reconsider. It doesn't matter why Denise wants to host this event, but even if it is just to "show off" her home and her husband, it's not so terrible. Think what a class act you will be if you are a gracious host to Denise's ex-husband and in-laws. And the children will be grateful.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Mama Trauma in California," who planned to spend a day at school with her troubled 15-year-old daughter. As a teacher of 20 years, sometimes the best way to help a child is to have a parent "shadow" the child for the day.
I have had parents, not believing their child sleeps in class, come in unexpectedly and find their child dozing. I have had children be embarrassed, angry and even happy to have their parent show up. But in every case there was a positive outcome. Children want their parents to care -- whatever the parents' reason. And, parents, always get permission from the teacher and school. I also recommend not telling your child you are coming. Sometimes they need to be surprised. Teacher Pam
Dear Teacher Pam: We bet this approach works wonders with some children. Thanks for your perspective.
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