KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Give your old friends a second shot

Dear Annie: I had what I thought was a best friend, "Sadie." After my husband and I moved, I still maintained the friendship through visits and several trips to pick her up and bring her to our home. Sadie suffers from panic attacks, and I've gone out of my way to make sure she gets home when she feels she has to return.
Sadie's last visit turned unpleasant. She said my 80-year-old husband made a pass at her (my husband denied it and I believe him) and she wanted to go home immediately, so I drove her -- a six-hour drive, by the way.
I telephoned her twice after that, and she hasn't returned my calls. She did, however, send me a letter, saying I should leave my husband and if I didn't, she no longer wanted to be friends.
I am devastated and angry. I have never done anything to her to deserve this kind of treatment. I've also helped her financially, given her many expensive gifts and included her in family vacations.
I miss our daily two-hour phone calls, but most of all, I miss my best friend. Any suggestions will be appreciated. An Old Lady
Dear Lady: How old is Sadie? Is it possible she is suffering from some form of dementia? It could explain her accusation about your husband (are you certain it is false?) and her unwillingness to remain friends. She might not want you to see that she is slipping.
Sadie may be reluctant to visit in person. Call or write and say you understand why she may not want to be around your husband, but you are not going to leave him, and you hope you can continue your friendship through calls and letters. That's the best you can hope for.
Dear Annie: I have been divorced for one year. For my twin granddaughters' birthday, my daughter-in-law called and said she received two dresses from my ex, and the card was signed by him and his current girlfriend.
My daughter-in-law said it was strange receiving a gift from someone the girls don't know. She asked for my thoughts on the subject. I suggested she send a thank-you note and forget about it.
Annie, do you think it was in bad taste for the girlfriend to send a gift, considering the children have no connection to her? Or is the girlfriend just trying to suck up to the kids? Florida Grandma
Dear Florida: Of course she is trying to suck up to the kids in the hope that someday she will be their stepgrandmother. She also was probably the one who selected and sent the dresses. It is both insensitive and a little pushy for a new girlfriend to put her name on a gift to children who are unaware of her existence, but your idea to "send a thank-you note and forget about it" was perfect.
Dear Annie: I read your response to "Need Therapy" in my local paper. In it, you suggested that the writer look for therapists from a number of sources. However, you left out Licensed Clinical Social Workers.
Recent surveys indicate that 60 percent of all counseling/psychotherapy done in this country is conducted by Clinical Social Workers. Furthermore, almost all Clinical Social Workers accept Medicaid. It is easy to find an LCSW in your community by calling the local National Association of Social Workers (NASW) in your state, or going to naswdc.org for a listing of state organizations. Arthur J. Frankel, MSW, Ph.D., LCSW, Professor, Department of Social Work, University of North Carolina, Wilmington
Dear Dr. Frankel: Our apologies for not mentioning Licensed Clinical Social Workers. They certainly do provide a valuable service, and we hope our readers will keep them in mind when looking for counseling.
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