Time off is needed to save relationship

Dear Annie: I am a junior in high school and am fortunate enough to have a wonderful girlfriend. "Dana" and I have been together two years. I want to continue this relationship, and so does she.
We have always argued (that's part of any relationship), but lately we have been fighting all the time. We can't go anywhere without having some kind of an argument. It has gotten so bad that I have started to yell and hang up the phone.
Somehow we always find something to fight about. I think we just need to learn to let go of small things. We get mad at each other so easily. Please help us in any way you can. At Each Other's Throats
Dear At Each Other's Throats: A healthy relationship doesn't involve all this constant conflict. People who are compatible do not get angry over every little thing. You and Dana have been together since you were freshmen. Maybe you are picking at each other because one of you is looking for an excuse to break up. There is nothing wrong with telling Dana that you care about her, but all this fighting means both of you need a time out from one another. Try it and see if it helps.
Dear Annie: I am one of seven adult children, and our mother is recently widowed. Lately, Mom has been complaining a lot that her children do not call her. Here are my reasons for not calling more often, and I know I'm not alone:
Ninety-nine percent of the time, Mom does nothing but whine, complain, scold, lecture, criticize, berate, belittle, gossip, demean, etc. The other 1 percent, she says, "Why are you calling me? Don't you know I'm busy now?" I can't win.
Annie, if she were nicer to talk to, I would call more often. After all, she is my mother and I'm not without a heart. But I don't believe the fact that I am her child gives her the right to let me have it with both barrels and then expect me to keep calling back.
I guess my problem is that I can't figure out why she can't figure it out. Anything I can do? Mystified
Dear Mystified: Has your mother always been this way, or only since she has been widowed? Is it possible she is still grieving and needs some professional help to find pleasure in life again? If that's the case, please look into it for her. Otherwise, you simply must tell her that her negative and critical attitude makes phone conversations unpleasant. Promise to call more often if she will be nicer, and should she slip into old habits, gently remind her.
Dear Annie: I could have written that letter from "Discarded Wife." I, too, had been married for nearly 30 years when my husband asked for a divorce. I was shocked, hurt and angry. And yes, there was another woman involved.
However, I never completely blamed the other woman. I had to be honest and admit that our marriage had not been truly happy for some time. I did some soul searching and had therapy, and discovered that I really did not want someone who was not in love with me.
Two years later, I am a lot happier. The most positive aspect was getting a job, minimum wage and all, and finding out that I could take care of myself. Has it been hard? You betcha. But discovering how capable I am has been wonderful. It would be easy to blame the other woman for all the trouble, but my ex-husband was obviously unhappy. Tell "Discarded Wife" to seek therapy and look at this as a chance to discover a brand-new her. Tossed Away but Doing Well
Dear Tossed Away: You certainly figured out how to make lemonade out of lemons. Kudos for turning a negative into a positive and making the best of your life.
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