Go to counselor, see if marriage is worth saving

Dear Annie: I've been married for 18 years. About 11 years ago, I caught my husband, "Lex," having long phone conversations with another woman. He told me he was bored at night being home with the kids while I was working two jobs. Hello! He had three children to take care of!
We had counseling, and although there were a few minor "hiccups," our relationship went well for a while. However, four years ago, Lex went out of town, presumably with a male co-worker, but I discovered he was having an e-mail relationship with a woman and planned on meeting her. (He told me he needed to "spice up" his sex life because ours was getting boring.)
I no longer have any interest in being intimate with Lex. I tried going back to school, but I just couldn't do it while working full time. Lex told me he would help around the house while I went to school, but it never happened. We moved to a new house, hoping this would change things, but we are just further in debt. We tried counseling again, but Lex insists it's my "hang-up" that is affecting the marriage.
I feel betrayed and taken advantage of and no longer find my husband to be the man I thought I married. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for his third strike, or if I'm just too afraid to make the jump out of the marriage. It would be hard on the children. Any suggestions? Miserable in Illinois
Dear Miserable: If Lex has been a faithful husband since his little side trip, it means he is making an effort, but if you are withholding sex, it will only undermine your chances. You both must be fully committed to the marriage or it is not going to work. You are still harboring a lot of anger (justifiably), and if you can't let it go, you will continue to be unhappy. Please go back to your counselor, with or without Lex, and find out if you truly want to salvage what's left of this relationship.
Dear Annie: My husband and I retired three years ago and moved from Indiana to Georgia. Since that time, my married daughter has yet to visit.
I am hurt and feel rejected. Some days I want to tell her off, reminding her of everything we sacrificed to raise her. She knows we want her to visit and we offered to help cover the expense, but she still hasn't come. I miss my young grandchildren.
I asked her if she is mad because we moved away, and she says no. She said she always knew Dad would retire somewhere warm. She calls almost daily and never forgets a birthday or holiday.
I will not beg her to visit. I don't want her to come out of guilt.
What do you read into this? How do I handle the resentment? Rejected Mom
Dear Mom: We think a woman with young children might find it difficult to pick up and visit Mom and Dad in another state, especially if she has to bear some of the cost. It's also possible that her husband is pressuring her not to go, or that she is having financial or marital difficulties of which you are unaware. She is trying to be a loving daughter by calling often. If you want to see your grandchildren, be the bigger person and make a trip to Indiana. Don't wait until the kids grow up.
Dear Annie: "Mary Ruth in Colorado" made a mistake, which you repeated. She said her father had a son with his first wife, and she referred to him as her stepbrother. If they have the same father, he is her half-brother. Aloha From Sam in Honolulu
Dear Sam: We were surprised at the number of alert readers who picked up on this discrepancy and nailed us for it. You are correct. If they do, in fact, share a father, that would make him her half-brother. Thanks for the clarification.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.