Annie's Mailbox Keep 'Dave' away from the kids

Dear Annie: I am 33 years old and have two daughters from my first marriage, ages 7 and 5. I am now married to "Dave."
My girls like Dave, but lately, he's been worrying me. Once when I came home from work, I heard Dave say to my oldest daughter, "You worthless brat! Get your butt over here!" It terrified me to hear him talk like that to my children, and I stormed into the house and confronted him. He said he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. I love him more than anything in the world, so I forgave him.
Two weeks later, I called my daughter from work and heard her scream. Then I heard something that sounded like metal clanging, and then she hung up. I rushed home and my daughter said, "Dave threw butter knives at me." My husband said they were just playing.
I was concerned enough to place a tape recorder under the couch, and I turned it on when I left for work. When I came home, I listened to the tape. That's when I discovered that Dave is abusive to my kids, both verbally and physically.
I love Dave too much to leave him, but I can't put my girls in danger. I explained the situation to my ex-husband, and the girls are staying at his house until I work things out with Dave. But I still haven't talked to Dave. I told him the kids wanted extra time with their father. I'm afraid if he learns the truth, he'll get angry and leave me. I don't know what to do. How can I protect my girls and my marriage? Appalled in Alpena
Dear Alpena: If you insist on staying with an abusive man, you must let your girls live permanently with their father, who will care for them properly. Under no circumstances should they be permitted to return to you as long as Dave is part of your life. You have chosen him over your children. End of story.
Dear Annie: I am quite upset with my mother. My parents are in their 60s and still socially active. I know they will not watch my sons, ages 5 and 9, on Saturday nights. However, a month ago, I asked Mom if she could take the boys because my husband and I would be hosting an adult dinner party in our home. She agreed.
Four days before the party, my parents accepted an invitation on the same date (it was a birthday dinner for a dear friend). Mom tried to make it right by asking her cleaning girl to watch the kids, but the girl speaks limited English, and I didn't feel comfortable with her. I searched for other sitters, but everyone was booked. My only solution was to keep the kids home during the party.
I am so angry at Mom for dumping on me. I wish I could depend on my parents once in a while when I need their help. How should I proceed with our relationship? Upset Daughter in Camarillo, Calif.
Dear Daughter: Of course your mother wanted to attend a birthday party for a dear friend. And she thought her cleaning girl would suffice as a sitter. However, this is apparently a pattern for her, and you are right that you cannot count on her to take care of your kids. So be it. Not all grandparents will baby-sit. Surely your parents have other qualities for which you value and love them. Focus on those, and start looking for a regular sitter you can count on. Mom's not it.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Louisville, Ky.," who was expecting her third girl. I, too, live in Louisville and have four daughters. When my girls were small, I used to get comments like "So, are you still trying for that boy?" I always hated it and finally decided to reply, "No. We are trying for children." That always shut them up. S.G.
Dear S.G.: Good for you.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.