To avoid 'Penny,' sis-in-law should stay busy

Dear Annie: I have a sister-in-law I just cannot stand. "Penny" is arrogant, selfish and greedy, and has nothing nice to say about anyone but herself. She has caused a lot of grief between my husband and me, because I refuse to go anywhere if she's involved.
I have tried to play the sweet sister and talk with Penny, invite her along with me to functions and treat her like a friend. But when I get home, I feel totally drained, she takes so much out of me. Her negativity is like a dark cloud.
I've tried to ignore Penny's annoying traits for my husband's sake and accept her for the backstabbing liar she is, but it isn't working. My husband knows what his sister is like and what I have to put up with. He notices how angry she gets when I am not at her beck and call. Sometimes he just wishes I could be straightforward and tell her how rude she is. I would love to tell this girl off, but she can spin stories far, far, far from the truth, and the next thing you know, I'd have the aunties and grandparents knocking on my door.
Penny has absolutely no friends. Her cousins stay a mile away, leaving me, the sister-in-law, as the only person she can talk to or go anywhere with. How do I tell her how I feel without hurting my husband? Fed Up With Sister-in-Law
Dear Fed Up: You don't have to tell her how you feel. That would undoubtedly offend her and would cause tremendous damage. What you need to do is be less available in the most polite way. You are "too busy" to chat right now, so terribly sorry. You have "another commitment" and can't go shopping, it's really too bad. If you are unfailingly friendly, while keeping your distance, she will have nothing to pin on you. In exchange, please do not avoid family functions where Penny is involved. If you see less of her the rest of the time, you should be able to tolerate her on those necessary occasions.
Dear Annie: My son has been invited to a party celebrating the birthdays of two children. These children are not related. The parents said that because the children's birthdays are within a week of each other, it was easier to have a combined party than to expect guests to attend two parties in the same weekend.
The party is at a national chain restaurant, where I expect my child will receive one slice of pizza, one soda and one piece of combined birthday cake. Am I wrong to feel that because the cost of one party is being split between two families, I should split the cost of one gift between the two birthday children? Party Pooper
Dear Pooper: Sorry, no. You don't attend a party to tally up how much cake and pizza you get out of it. You attend to celebrate someone's birthday. Please let your son take an appropriate gift for each child.
Dear Annie: As a retired therapist, I was disappointed in your answer to "Frustrated Daughter," whose boyfriend was tickling her daughter. Not only is it abuse, but in more than 90 percent of cases where a man is tickling a 9-year-old girl, it is a way of "grooming" her for the next step, which is sexual abuse -- placing the hands closer to the child's private parts.
An adult male tickling his girlfriend's daughter is a big no. Send the boyfriend on his way if he can't keep his hands to himself. Concerned In California
Dear Concerned: You may be right, but we are reluctant to categorize all tickling as abuse. Sometimes it is perfectly innocent. So, parents, be alert. If there is tickling between adults and children, keep your eyes open for signs that something more may be going on.
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