As son grows older, relationship suffers

Dear Annie: I am a 60-year-old mom of four responsible, well-adjusted children, but I have this ongoing problem with my youngest son, "Brian," who is 28.
As a child, Brian and I had a close relationship, but around seventh grade, he started distancing himself from me. He actually appeared to dislike me. Through the years, I've become more and more stressed that his attitude toward me is so strained.
We've talked about it and even had counseling together, but Brian claims he has no idea what the problem is. He says he isn't bothered by me or anything I do. He once said it could be the sound of my voice that irritates him. However, if I scratch my arm, he recoils. If I make a comment during a conversation, he'll give me "the look." My feelings get so hurt I just want to go in a corner and cry.
Brian lives far away and is home visiting. Since he arrived, I have had severe stress and heart palpitations. My doctor says I'm in good shape, but when I know Brian is coming home, even though I'm glad to see him, I get nervous. I hate to say it, but all the stress goes away as soon as he leaves.
We keep in touch via e-mail, and he writes the nicest notes and says wonderful things that he would never say in person. I love that young man and cannot make sense of this. My heart is so heavy. Unloved Mother
Dear Unloved: We think Brian loves you very much, but for whatever reason, he finds it difficult to be in your physical presence. Unless he is willing to open up in therapy, he is not likely to make much progress deciphering the reasons and overcoming the problem. When he visits, consider his odd reactions and "looks" to be a behavioral glitch and ignore them. Once you accept that it's Brian's problem to fix, you'll de-stress, and the visits will be easier.
Dear Annie: Recently, my mother underwent bariatric surgery and lost 160 pounds. This is wonderful, but since she lost the weight, she has been on my case to do the same. I eat healthy and weigh an OK amount. I am not skinny, but I also am not fat. I cannot seem to get this through my mother's head.
When I have a snack, Mom tells me the exact calorie count. If I don't have time to go walking with her, she becomes agitated. When she starts pressuring me, all I want to do is cry. If Mom would stop nagging, I would probably drop a few pounds. What can I do? Depressed Teen
Dear Teen: Your mother knows what it is like to struggle with weight, and she is worried you will have the same problem. She thinks her nagging will keep you healthy. Instead, it frustrates and depresses you, which, by the way, can lead to overeating. Ask your father, or another adult relative or friend, to talk to Mom on your behalf and get her to back off. You also can show her this letter and tell her you wrote it. Good luck, honey.
Dear Annie: I read your response to "Help Us Help," whose daughter's house was filled with junk. You quite rightly suggested she might be a "packrat" and referred her to the OC Foundation. We identify this problem as compulsive hoarding.
Our research suggests that hoarding is a complex problem in which people have difficulty processing information to organize items and solve problems.
They have unusually strong attachments to objects and paper that stem from mistaken beliefs, and fearful, guilty and depressed emotional reactions that make it upsetting to get rid of items.
Thank you for providing good information that will ultimately help many people. Gail Steketee, Ph.D., Dean ad Interim, Professor, Boston University School of Social Work, Boston
Dear Dr. Steketee: Thank you for your insight. Again, readers, the address is Obsessive Compulsive Foundation (ocfoundation.org), 676 State St., New Haven, CT 06511.
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