KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Family dynamic is out of balance after birth

Dear Annie: My wife and I have two children -- a 6-year-old son and a 10-month-old daughter. Our marriage was great for the first five years. Then, when our son was born, my wife began sleeping in his room. When our daughter was born, my wife moved into the baby's room and our son began sleeping with me. I've tried to get our son to sleep by himself in his own room, but my wife insists he stay in my bed. I don't think this is right.
Here are some things my wife used to do but doesn't any longer: She used to kiss me in the morning and before we'd go to sleep at night. She used to say, I love you, I miss you, hug me, spend time with me. We used to cook and eat dinner together.
What is wrong with my marriage? What am I to do? Concerned Husband
Dear Husband: A certain amount of co-sleeping in the family bed is OK, but your wife has transferred all her love and affection to her children, leaving you out in the cold. She may have convinced herself that such devotion is good for the kids, but it is slowly draining the life out of your marriage, and you no longer have a healthy, balanced family dynamic.
Ask your wife to go with you for some counseling. If she refuses, make an appointment for the two of you to visit the children's pediatrician so you can get another opinion about those sleeping arrangements.
Dear Annie: I live in a suburban housing plan with small quarter-acre lots.
I have a neighbor who allows her pets to run free around the neighborhood. Since our housing plan abuts a busy street, seven of her pets have been killed by oncoming traffic. She subsequently has buried these pets in her yard, turning it into a pet cemetery. Furthermore, after every pet dies, she gets one to replace it, so I anticipate more pets being buried on her property.
This situation is really starting to freak me out. What can I do without ruining my relationship with my neighbors? Pittsburgh Suburbs
Dear Pittsburgh: Does your suburb have any laws prohibiting the burial of pets in the back yard? Are there leash laws? Perhaps a citation from the police will wake her up. You also can report your neighbor (anonymously) to the local Humane Society. It is unconscionable for this woman to leave her pets unprotected where they are likely to be hit by cars.
Dear Annie: I read your column about medical tests for older women. While I applaud the valuable information you provided, you left out important information about the use of the human papillomavirus (HPV) test in combination with the Pap test for women 30 and older (those most at risk for cervical cancer).
Over the last 50 years, regular use of the Pap test has significantly reduced the number of American women who develop cervical cancer, but recent studies indicate it is accurate only 50 to 85 percent of the time. By routinely screening women age 30 and older for high-risk HPV along with their Pap, as is approved by the FDA, we can substantially increase this accuracy.
Additionally, the HPV test is covered by most insurance companies, and guidelines issued by both the American Cancer Society and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recognize its use. Although many doctors stop administering the Pap test to women after age 65, women aged 65-plus are at highest risk for developing and dying from cervical cancer. L.K. in New York
Dear L.K.: Thanks for the information. We also are keeping our eyes on the new vaccine for cervical cancer. It sounds as if it could save thousands of lives.
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