KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Husband's sexual comments are sign of immaturity

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for three years. We have a good marriage, without major problems.
The problem is that for our entire marriage, "Ted" has made comments about other women. He constantly talks about how attracted he is to them and jokes about how he'd like to have sex with them. He will even say these things to other women right in front of me, which makes me uncomfortable. I feel as if everyone is thinking we must have a lousy marriage and that Ted is not content with me. And if he is doing this in front of me, what does he do when I am not around?
Ted says he is "just joking" and there's no reason for me to be upset, because I have nothing to worry about. I've told him repeatedly that his comments make me feel inadequate and insecure about myself and our marriage, but he continues.
Recently, Ted told me that in the past few weeks, he has been having erotic dreams about other women -- and not just faceless women, but women we know. He said he dreamed he had sex with these women in his workplace and even in our home. He insists he has never cheated on me and has no intention of ever doing so, but this kind of behavior makes me wonder.
I have tried not to turn this into a big issue, but it bothers me tremendously. We are both in our early 20s. Is this just a young-guy thing, or should I be concerned? Worried Wife
Dear Worried: It's not a young-guy thing, it's an immature-guy thing. Ted is an emotional adolescent. This doesn't mean he is looking to cheat, but there is the possibility that another woman will take his comments as an invitation and there could be trouble. Since there is no way to predict whether or not he'll ever grow up, you have to decide whether he's worth it as is.
Dear Annie: I am exhausted from being used as a baby sitter for my grandchildren. What happened to the days of hiring a sitter so you could go out?
We already raised our children and don't need to raise our grandchildren, too. Saying "no" doesn't mean we love them less, but my husband and I need time to ourselves. Baby-sitting once a week is more than enough. We may not work 40-hour weeks like we used to, but we still have jobs, and are tired and exhausted when we get home. Not to mention, we just don't have the energy anymore.
Can't we be grandparents who spoil our grandkids and then send them home? Isn't that what grandparents are supposed to do? Tired Grandparents, USA
Dear Tired: You are not alone. Some grandparents love to baby-sit, but not all of them. Parents who demand too often that Grandpa and Grandma take care of the kids show a lack of consideration. Of course, when there is an emergency, we hope the grandparents will step in, but otherwise, they are not automatic sitters, and parents who learn this early will maintain a better relationship.
Dear Annie: Here's something for your readers. My grandfather, who died in 1907, had the following printed in all his books (author unknown), along with his name and address:
"If thou art borrowed by a friend, quite welcome he shall be,
To read, to study, not to lend, but to return to me.
Not that imparted knowledge doth diminish learning's store,
But books I find, if often lent, return to me no more."
I don't know how well it worked as a method of getting his books back, but I also keep a signed receipt. Doctor in New Albany, Ind.
Dear Doctor: People often forget whose books they have borrowed or where they put them. It's never a bad idea to stick a reminder inside the cover. Thanks.
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