A bitter pastor still serves his church

Dear Annie: When my husband came to this town to be the minister of our church, the elders told him they had no constitutional way of persuading a pastor to move on if they were not satisfied with his work. They asked him to sign a contract that would expire in seven years. My husband balked at this, saying it would not show good faith on their part or his. He also told them he never stayed in one church for more than seven years, so they didn't need to worry.
We have now been here 15 years. My husband resents anything he has to do for the church, and spends most of his time working at a homeless shelter he helped found. We have lost a number of devoted members of our congregation in the past five years because my husband insists he does not have time to counsel them.
I have suggested that, since he is so unhappy, it might be time to move on. He responds that he's invested too much time and energy in this community to pick up and leave.
The people of our church used to be welcoming and involved. Now, our congregation consists of disinterested, lethargic and mostly elderly people. Counseling is not an option, because my husband does counseling and feels he knows best. He blames everyone and everything but himself for the slide our church has taken.
I have been very supportive, but I wonder if this is the best way to respond. What should I be doing? Worried Pastor's Wife
Dear Pastor's Wife: You should be convincing your husband that he'd be better serving his church if he allowed someone else to take over as pastor, and he can then devote more time to the homeless shelter. Your husband is in deep denial, and more importantly, his avoidance of his duties indicates some depression. If you can't convince him to leave, we recommend you seek counseling without him. And his church ought to seek legal help.
Dear Annie: I would like to know your opinion about little boys (age 3) who like touching themselves. My grandson's doctor said it is normal as long as he does it privately. That bothers me, and I don't think children should be encouraged in any way or given the impression that this is OK. Concerned Grandmother
Dear Grandma: We hope you will listen to the pediatrician. It is perfectly normal and natural for young children to "touch themselves," because it feels good.
When a child masturbates, he or she should be told, calmly, that this is something best done in private. If it becomes excessive, parents might want to distract the child with another activity, but they should neither encourage nor berate, embarrass or punish the child.
Dear Annie: The letter from "At Wits' End in Los Angeles" really struck a chord with me. She said her husband, "Stan," had let his hair grow and she wanted him to cut it for their son's wedding.
I, too, am getting married this year, and my 63-year-old father, a well-respected and accomplished health director, a lector at his church, and a volunteer in numerous community groups, sports a silvery-white ponytail. I would never dream of asking Dad to cut it off for the wedding.
Dad's hair is neat and looks good. It is also a way to embrace his Native-American heritage. You should see him in his regalia volunteering to tell stories at the elementary schools. I also have long hair, and it is one of the connections I have with my father.
"At Wits' End" should be proud of Stan's hair. I won't look back at my wedding pictures and laugh. I will look back and be proud. Tressed for Success in Connecticut
Dear Tressed: We don't think Stan's reasons for growing his hair bear any resemblance to your father's, nor does his hair, but we like your attitude.
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