KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Divorced son won't attend family functions

Dear Readers: Happy Fourth of July! Please celebrate safely. Here's our snippet for the day, credit Albert Einstein: "Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."
Dear Annie: I am a 66-year-old retired grandmother of three boys, ages 11, 15 and 20. The oldest is in the service and not living at home. Because of financial difficulties, I live with my daughter-in-law, "Kim," and my two grandsons. Kim has been separated from my son for nearly five years, although it has not been legalized.
The problem is my son. With Kim's consent, we invite him to every holiday dinner and birthday celebration. He has declined all the invitations. His excuse is that he doesn't want the boys to get the mistaken impression that their parents might get back together if they share a family event.
Of course, my son has no qualms whatsoever when it comes to parading his girlfriends in front of Kim, his boys or me, or bringing my grandsons to his apartment for the weekend where they witness sleepovers with the various women he happens to be dating.
I would think any false impressions the boys might have had were erased years ago. My son says it makes him uncomfortable when we invite him to these functions. Annie, I am angry and frustrated at his behavior. What can I do to make him understand? Bothered Mom
Dear Mom: It is good for the kids to see that Mom and Dad can get along and be civil to each other, in spite of their differences. Your son seems to prefer avoiding issues that threaten his comfort level -- this includes the undefined status of his marriage as well as joint invitations. Encourage your daughter-in-law to get some good legal advice and family counseling so she can make the best decisions for herself and her children.
Dear Annie: My mom and I go to church every Sunday. Last week, as I was getting out of the van, I grabbed a bottle of water to take inside with me. My mom refused to let me take the water in, saying it's not right to eat or drink in church.
I know the service is only 45 minutes, and I agree that it's disrespectful to eat in church, but what's wrong with drinking water? Thirsty
Dear Thirsty: It depends on the church. In many churches, there is no objection to congregants bringing in water or candy, although it is never appropriate to, say, pull out a chicken sandwich. There are some people who absolutely need to keep their mouths from becoming too dry, but that doesn't seem to be the case with you. Since your mother disapproves so strongly, try to go without.
Dear Annie: I am 84 years old, and one leg is giving me trouble and hurts a lot. Because of this, when I take my mile walk, I am likely to fall easily and bruise. I decided I needed to deal with this, but a cane does not keep me from falling, and a walker is too clumsy. I came up with the perfect solution. I bought an inexpensive (under $10) umbrella baby stroller, put two bricks in the seat and tied a stuffed Cookie Monster in it. It works great.
I now walk without the fear of falling, and it takes enough pressure off my leg that it doesn't hurt. I am back to enjoying my walks, and the Cookie Monster has made many friends. When I go to Texas to visit my son, I plan to take it along and use it in the airport for my carry-on baggage and to make my walking easier. Hope this idea helps someone. E.R.F. in Lodi, Calif.
Dear E.R.F.: Very cute. We also hope you will call your airline carrier and explain the problem. The airlines provide "meet-and-assist" help for those who cannot walk long distances.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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