KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Most children not accustomed to thanking parents for all they have

Dear Annie: My husband and I always rush to help my daughter and son- in-law, no matter the distance. This assistance has been in the form of child care, manual labor and emergency funds. We pay for our own transportation to their state. We are happy (and financially able) to do so. My last trip there lasted two weeks.
However, I am starting to feel that we have spoiled my daughter and her husband. They seem to think a simple verbal "thanks" does it. To me, a gift of some kind -- flowers, whatever, would demonstrate some extra effort to express their gratitude, and it would mean so much to me.
I would like to be treated the way they would treat one of their friends who had extended such a kindness. Have we spoiled them? A Parent in Salem, Ore.
Dear Parent: We wouldn't say "spoiled." You have trained your daughter and her husband to expect these indulgences, and they are not accustomed to thanking their parents as they would friends. We'll take it one step further and say that it would occur to very few children to thank their parents with gifts -- which is a shame, since it would be so appreciated.
If your daughter is grateful for your assistance, thanks you in other ways, and gives you gifts on your birthday and special occasions, try to be satisfied with that.
Dear Annie: I married "Julie" just as her two children were reaching independence. I convinced her to complete her bachelor's degree, and she worked for two years, then quit and worked as a temp for several years, never earning more than $5,000 a year. She then went back to school but never completed her master's degree. She now works on and off, averaging $2,000 a year.
Julie recently tried making and selling beautiful craft items but lost a great deal of money at it. Meanwhile, my job is in jeopardy, my paycheck has been cut in half, and I cannot afford to quit and give up my medical coverage and retirement plan.
Julie is not one of those wives who stayed home to raise my kids, nor has she ever cooked, cleaned or done errands independently of me. She says she's "too weak" to vacuum the carpets, so that's my job. I barbecue or we don't eat. She waits for me to get home to go grocery shopping with her.
I'm worn out and frustrated, and will be really angry when I have to take a second job to make ends meet because Julie thinks she did enough work during her first marriage and deserves to "retire" now. Help. Sinking Fast in California
Dear Sinking: Julie sounds like she may have ADD. She cannot finish what she starts and flits from one project to the next. Get her to a doctor for an evaluation. From there, you and Julie should seek counseling (your job may offer help through an Employee Assistance Program). She needs to understand that she is wearing you out and exhausting her marriage.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for seven years, and we are still very much in love. However, "Scott" refuses to sleep with me. Don't misunderstand -- our sex life is wonderful, but when it comes time to say goodnight, we go to our separate rooms.
After all this time, frankly, I like sleeping alone. I just wondered if your readers could tell me if this is normal. I do not know of any other couple who behaves this way, and I would be very embarrassed if anyone knew of our sleeping arrangements. Sleeps Alone and Likes It in Worcester, Mass.
Dear Sleeps Alone: You are not the only ones who do this, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. As long as your sex life is healthy, where you sleep is irrelevant. In fact, there was a time when having separate bedrooms was a sign of extreme wealth. And no one kept you awake with snoring.
Creators Syndicate