Relatives may cause emotional abuse
Dear Annie: My younger sister, "Amy," is married with two young children. Mom and Dad try to save them money by baby-sitting several days a week while Amy and her husband work. My parents also frequently watch the kids on weekends.
The problem is, my parents and I don't like the way the kids are being treated, especially by Amy's husband. We don't believe anyone is in danger of being physically abused, but it does seem like emotional abuse.
We are particularly worried about the older boy. His parents do not give him the love and attention he so badly needs and deserves. The boy is constantly told that he's bad, they often embarrass him in front of others, and other times, he is totally ignored. He says his parents make him watch movies in his room so they can sleep. There are days when he acts up terribly, but when he's in our care, he's sweet, attentive and loving. Unlike his parents, we do not scream, shout or threaten.
We have talked to Amy about this, but she thinks we are picking on her and has told us to butt out. This is breaking our hearts. Mom has a terrible time leaving the children because they cry incessantly and plead with her not to go.
We've tried dropping hints, ordering parents' magazines and books, and flat-out honesty, but nothing changes. Should we just let them raise their kids how they like? So Sad in Detroit
Dear Detroit: We can't tell if this situation constitutes emotional abuse or is just poor parenting. If you believe it is abuse, you should report it to the authorities, but you may be reluctant to do that. At the very least, you can model parenting behavior in front of Amy. Let her see appropriate responses to her child's actions. Also, keep providing the children with a warm, loving and secure environment so you can ameliorate some of the negative effects of Amy's inadequate parenting.
Dear Annie: My husband and I were recently invited to spend a weekend at the fancy resort home of some friends. The couple told us, "We'll provide the place. You provide the food and drink for the weekend."
This couple hardly needs help with expenses. We would be more than generous houseguests and bring some food and drink, but we thought it rude that they expected us to provide everything.
I would never tell a guest of mine to supply all the food and drink at my home. What do you say? Miffed
Dear Miffed: You are right. Hosts are expected to provide for their guests, although some friends have a more casual, potluck sort of arrangement, which is also fine as long as it is agreeable to all parties. Now that you know the score with this couple, the choice of whether or not to continue accepting invitations is up to you.
Dear Annie: Thank you for shedding light on the growing problem of the abuse of sex offender registration. As a former prosecutor, I've seen both sides. To those who are concerned, I suggest:
Know your neighbors. Talk to them.
If your neighbor has a problem, learn it.
If your neighbor asks for your help, give it.
Treat your neighbor like a human being, and you might find Pogo was right, "We've met the enemy, and he is us." William in Oklahoma
Dear William: We'd also like to make it clear that while all pedophiles are sex offenders, not all sex offenders are pedophiles. The registry can include the 17-year-old boy who had sex with his 15-year-old girlfriend and the 22-year-old college student who got drunk and undressed in public. Being on the list does not necessarily make someone a danger to the neighbors, so it pays to learn the facts and know where to channel your energy.
Creators Syndicate
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