Learn the consequences before taking the risk

Dear Annie: I just turned 40, having lived my entire gay adult life believing that HIV was no major threat, since there would be drugs to manage the disease. Consequently, I lost my fear and had unsafe sex.
When the tests came back positive for HIV, I learned there are strains that are resistant to available medications. I was terrified. Luckily, one of the simpler, newer regimens is working for me. However, should I continue to have unsafe sex, I would risk a second viral infection with resistance to my current medical regimen. Not only that, but any new infection, even a common, treatable one, could weaken my immune system, allowing the virus to overtake my ability to fight.
If I miss a single dosage of my meds, resistance can develop. I worry that my body will not be able to handle my regimen long term. Will my kidneys and liver stay healthy? Will I have to change drugs to those with harsher side effects? Will I eventually run out of choices and die?
My partner left me when I was diagnosed, and I now face the real possibility that I will never be in a long-term relationship again. I will not engage in sexual intimacy without disclosing the risk, so I am celibate. I worry about remaining insured, since my medications cost $1,200 per month. I have to share my illness with every doctor and dentist I see.
I have a strong support group and am doing OK mentally. I have learned too late the value of things that are important. For those who continue to take risks, I implore you to educate yourself about HIV. Visit www.thebody.com for information. Respect yourself. Respect the disease. Get tested. Play safe. One Who Knows
Dear One Who Knows: There is concern that HIV cases will increase in places where the disease seemed under control, partly because some gay men no longer worry about taking precautions, and also because the use of crystal meth has increased high-risk sexual activity. Thank you for the sharp reminder.
Dear Annie: I am a 53-year-old male. Six years ago, my 46-year-old wife had a major stroke that left her totally handicapped and unable to speak. She needs 24-hour-a-day care, so she is now in a nursing home. I visit her four times a week, take her for rides, and on weekends, I bring her home overnight. My wife is not likely to recover, but I am committed to be there for her always.
The problem is my social life. I cannot maintain a relationship with a woman because I will not consider marriage while my wife is living. But I miss the closeness, nurturing and intimacy. What is the normal protocol for people in my situation? I feel like I am in emotional limbo. Complicated Situation
Dear Complicated: We're glad to know you are still committed to caring for your wife, and we understand how difficult it is to live without companionship. There are others in your position, and many find help and support through The Well Spouse Association (wellspous-e.org) at (800) 838-0879.
Dear Annie: I wanted to say thank you for printing the letter from "Scared in California," the 16-year-old girl who decided she was ready to have sex with her boyfriend, and now she is pregnant.
Annie, you may have saved my life. I am 18 and I, too, have been dating a boy for four years. We said we loved each other and decided to have sex, but after reading "Scared's" letter and seeing the consequences of her actions, I know I want to wait.
Please, please, Annie, tell "Scared" that she saved something truly important to me. Chaste in Kentucky
Dear Chaste: We're certain "Scared" would be grateful to think she made a positive impact on your life. Thank you for letting us know.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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