ANNIE'S MAILBOX Rancid refrigerator is ruining relationship

Dear Annie: My in-laws have a truly filthy refrigerator. For years, my husband and I have joked about the "science projects" growing inside. Many of the items are in uncovered dishes, and the contents have rotted beyond recognition. Food that is covered gradually grows into a rainbow of molds and slime. These choice tidbits are never discarded but simply pushed to the back to make room for more.
My in-laws' fridge is always filled to capacity, and new items must often be laid on their side to fit, resulting in spills that are not cleaned up. Needless to say, it smells so bad, your eyes water when the door is open -- even if you're in another room. Furthermore, all food taken from the fridge has a distinctive and disgusting flavor, including the fresh stuff. My husband and I once tried cleaning it, but it made my in-laws angry, and they told us not to do that anymore.
It has reached the point where I can no longer force myself to eat at their house. We must travel to visit them, which requires overnight stays, and I am running out of excuses for not eating meals. My in-laws are insulted that I refuse their food, and I can't figure out how to tell them that their refrigerator turns my stomach. So, Annie, how can I visit them without sneaking off to restaurants or starving to death? Not-So-Hungry Daughter-In-Law
Dear Not-So-Hungry: If it's any consolation, your description made us lose our appetites, too (maybe a good thing). Is it possible that Mom and Dad are suffering from some form of dementia, or losing their ability to smell or see? A refrigerator full of rancid, inedible food is a health risk to them as well as their guests.
Your husband should be the one who tells his parents, but you can offer to help him if you think he needs the backup. The folks should be told in plain English that you love them dearly, but their refrigerator smells bad and there is rotten food inside. Offer to help clean it, or hire someone who will. If they refuse, both of you should tell them you can no longer eat in their home but you will be happy to join them for meals elsewhere. If they are offended, so be it.
Dear Annie: I have a neighbor with whom I became chummy for a couple of years. Gradually, I noticed that she is very self-absorbed, always butting in and changing the subject to herself, her dog, her husband, yadda, yadda, yadda. It has reached the point where sitting in the same room with her annoys me.
I feel used, as it's obvious that she has no interest in me. I'm still superficially friendly when I see her, which is fairly frequently as they live four doors down, but I have been declining her invitations and will not invite them to my house again, which seems to have made her a little snippy.
I'm not sure I want to salvage this friendship since I find her so tedious and aggravating, but for the future, what can you say to somebody who blathers on about themselves so much? Should you tell them or just write them off? Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: It would depend on how much you value the person's other qualities. In this instance, you have no reason to work at this relationship, but she is a neighbor, and you must see her frequently. Your current approach is adequate -- superficially friendly when you encounter her, with no effort to get closer.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Not a Grandma Yet" left me smiling. I was 39 when my wife and I had our first child, and I often am mistaken for the grandfather. I've become used to it.
What still takes me back, though, is the number of people who assume I am my wife's father. I'm only three years older than she is. I'm My Own Father
Dear Dad: Ouch.
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