Her son's girlfriend has been abusing him

Dear Annie: I am the mother of a 19-year-old son who is being abused by his girlfriend of one year.
"Neal" is a freshman in college, and his girlfriend is a senior in high school. During the past six months, she has beaten him quite a few times. He will call me crying, asking for advice, but whatever I say, he responds, "But I love her."
I want to give her a piece of my mind, but Neal thinks that will make things worse. I know he is a man now, but I still want to protect him. He often calls me after one of their fights, while he's walking home from her house in the middle of the night on back roads. What if there is a snowstorm? He could get hit by a car or freeze to death.
When Neal was younger, he saw me being abused. It wouldn't have surprised me to see one of my daughters in an abusive relationship, but I never thought it would happen to my son. What can I do? Scared Mom in New York
Dear Scared: Abusers come in both genders, and your son needs to recognize that nothing he does will change his girlfriend's behavior. She must want to change and be willing to get professional help. We wouldn't count on it.
As an abuse victim, you know that abuse is about controlling someone else, but your son never got this message. Mention your own experience to explain this to Neal, and urge him to get help through The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men at (888) 7HELPLINE (888-743-5754), or Stop Abuse for Everyone at safe4all.org.
Dear Annie: My daughter, "Vicki," is an accomplished professional in her 40s. She has many fine qualities, but one behavior has driven me to the breaking point.
We live on opposite coasts, so most gifts I give her are through the mail. The only way I have of knowing they arrived in good condition is for her to tell me. She never does. I have told Vicki countless times that this is inconsiderate and irritates me no end, but she doesn't care. Often, when I ask her if she received a gift, she will say, "I think maybe a package arrived a while ago."
Vicki says if she didn't ask for the present, she has no need to thank me or tell me if it arrived. She says if I handed it to her in person, she would thank me promptly. When I told her that from now on, gifts would stop if she didn't change her inconsiderate behavior, she said I was being dictatorial.
I'm tired of being treated this way by my only child. Ignoring the problem is not an option. Any recommendations? Camarillo, Calif.
Dear Camarillo: Sure. Stop sending gifts to Vicki. If she asks why, simply say, as sweetly as you can, that you are saving them for when you can hand them to her directly, because you would hate to send something she didn't want or like. Don't let her use emotional blackmail to be both rude and greedy.
Dear Annie: I read your column on a daily basis, but I was insulted by your advice to "Hairy Legs," the young girl who wanted to shave her legs. You recommended speaking with her mother, her aunt or an adult friend, yet you ignored her father.
I have a 12-year-old daughter. While I may not completely understand her point of view, I did have a mother, grew up with a sister and am married to a woman. Surely I can advise my daughter on a good razor to use to shave her legs. A Caring Father
Dear Dad: You are absolutely right that many fathers are quite capable of helping, but young girls often find it too embarrassing to ask Dad about such private matters and prefer to ask another female. So, all dads out there, please make it clear to your daughters (and sons) that they can talk to you about positively anything.
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