Time will help repair teenager's reputation



Dear Annie: I am 15 years old. When I was in eighth grade, I started dating a sophomore in high school. I thought it was the coolest thing to do. I mean, words cannot express. My parents knew I talked to upperclassmen, but they didn't know we were dating. I never thought people would make such a big deal out of it. Now that I am in high school, though, I have a reputation, and a bad one at that.
When I broke up with the guy, he started a whole bunch of lies about me, saying we had sex, and it made me look like the biggest slut. Just to make it clear, I never did anything with him, because I didn't think it was right.
Every time I start to like a guy, he tells me he's heard stuff about me. Most of them say they don't think they can date someone who's had more experience than they've had. Which I haven't, but they don't believe it.
What do I do when I like a guy and he turns me down because of my "past"? How do I stop picking losers? Young and Confused
Dear Young: When an eighth-grader dates a high school boy, others assume it is a sexual relationship. And at any age, if you pick the wrong guy, he can damage your reputation in order to protect his status, as you have sadly discovered.
Some of the guys who tell you they don't have experience may be looking for you to supply it, and when you protest that you didn't have sex with High School Boy, they are no longer interested. Time and exemplary behavior will repair your reputation, and boys who are worthwhile will treat you with respect. Hang in there. Things will get better.
Dear Annie: "Katie" and I have been friends for 25 years. We've always gotten along well and have been each other's support through many hard times. However, as guilty as I feel saying this, if I have to listen one more time to her whining and crying about how hard her life is, I'm going to scream.
Katie does this every time we talk. "Why did my husband leave? I'm 56 years old, no one will ever want me. My kids don't respect me. My job is horrible." Then the crying starts. She's a broken record that's been scratching for 10 years.
I have completely run out of things to say to comfort her, and regardless of what I say, she becomes angry that I'm not supportive enough. I once mentioned she should try counseling and possibly medication, and she about bit my head off.
Maybe she will see herself in this letter and snap out of it. Katie's Friend
Dear Friend: Chronic complainers need more sympathy and attention than any friend can provide. You can listen to Katie without comment and allow her to vent, you can tell her she obviously is too depressed to enjoy life and you care enough to hope she will talk to a professional, or you can be honest and say her constant kvetching is not an endearing trait. If she bites your head off again, there's nothing more you can do.
Dear Annie: You told "Worried" that you wonder why he knows so much about his girlfriend's menstrual cycle. I, too, learned all too soon about my girlfriend's menstrual cycle when she didn't show up for college classes. Told by her roommate that she had cramps, I was worried and suggested she see a doctor. Bingo! Very soon I learned more than I wanted or needed to know, all without my asking.
In time, we married. Now I expect to know lots about our granddaughters' menstrual cycles just as I was told about our daughters'. Apparently the generous sharing of such detailed information is intended to help us males cope, whether we want it or not. Been There
Dear Been There: While it's personal information, there's no reason husbands and fathers should be kept in the dark. Consider it medical training.
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