It's time for them to let 'Tony' off the hook

Dear Annie: Many years ago, our oldest son, "Tony," told us he would pay the college tuition for his two younger siblings, if he could afford it. Well, God has blessed him. He works hard and is able to do what he promised. However, his wife of three years doesn't want him to continue. She says they have to save for their sons' education. Our grandsons are 3 and 2.
Annie, Tony offered to do this. We did not ask him. Last year, because of his wife's concerns, we paid for my middle son's senior year. This year is the last one for his youngest brother.
When my daughter-in-law had surgery some weeks ago, she asked me to come sit with her. As she lay in bed, apparently pretending to be in pain, she had the audacity to say to me, "I just want to ask you, how come you guys can't pay your own bills?"
I was upset and told Tony. I don't think it's her place to ask about my finances, and I haven't felt the same toward her since. She has yet to apologize and now feels she cannot talk to me about anything. That's OK with me, since I told her she should have some respect and know not to discuss such issues. Any advice? Offended and Annoyed
Dear Offended: Your daughter-in-law has no business prying into your financial situation, but she has a right to know where her family money is going and why. Tony is obviously a good son and devoted brother, but if you can afford your youngest child's last year of tuition, you should not allow Tony to be saddled with it. Surely a good relationship with your son and daughter-in-law is worth more than that. If you cannot afford the tuition, look into loans and scholarships. We think it's time to let Tony off the hook, regardless of his well-intentioned promise.
Dear Annie: I desperately need advice concerning my fiance, "Richard." His children are all adults and living their own lives, but Richard will not get rid of the stuff in their rooms. They are exactly the way his kids left them.
I see this as a red flag, and I question moving in with him. I have talked to Richard about it, but get no response. How do I deal with this? Doubtful in Arizona
Dear Arizona: It's possible Richard simply isn't the redecorating type. Suggest sweetly that it's time to put away the children's belongings. Offer to bring some boxes and invite the children over to help. Serve refreshments and make a party out of it. If Richard refuses, you should not move in.
Dear Annie: This is in response to the letter from "Stressed-Out Parents in Virginia," whose grown daughter is a drug addict.
My oldest son started using drugs at the age of 12. By 17, he had been arrested more times than I care to count. The next 18 years were sheer hell. He was sent to some of the toughest prisons in the state and spent years living on the streets. During that time, he would take a bus to my home every two weeks to ask for food, a shower and a bed for the night. How could I turn him away? Unfortunately, during those visits, he would steal jewelry and whatever he could fence.
Finally, I joined Al-Anon. It gave me the tools and courage I needed to detach from him with love. I was able to tell him not to come see me until he had his life in order. This was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. In the end, he sobered up through the Salvation Army's program and is now living in a halfway house, one day at a time, as a healthy, happy, 36-year-old man. Addict's Mother
Dear Mother: We're glad your son was able to pull his life together. Thanks for another testimonial for Al-Anon and the Salvation Army, both wonderful organizations.Creators Syndicate
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