Medical condition is hard to talk about

Dear Annie: I am a 23-year-old woman, finishing my last semester at college. I have made some valuable friendships during these last few years, but I cannot tell my friends everything.
I have Crohn's disease and have had an ileostomy bag since I was 13. In other words, I have no colon and I defecate into a bag on my abdomen. I almost died before this surgery was done, I was so ill. To make matters worse, this drastic surgery was by no means a cure. My Crohn's can, and has, returned.
As you can imagine, this is hard to talk about, especially with potential dating partners. I have had long periods of time when I literally could not even look at my waist in a mirror. I have a great support group at the United Ostomy Association (uoaa.org), but I have not yet been able to figure out how to tell people about my condition without grossing them out completely.
You would think, after 10 years, I would know what to say, but it's never gotten any easier. Any insight you can give would be very appreciated. Nina in New York
Dear Nina: We sympathize with how difficult this must be for you. You do not need to give the details of your illness to friends. You can simply tell them that you have a chronic illness involving your digestive tract. When you meet someone with whom you may become intimate, however, you will need to talk about the specifics. Be honest without being overly graphic, and approach the subject with as much confidence as you can muster.
There are internet dating sites for people with Crohn's, IBS and other such conditions at www.irritatedbeingsingle.com; www.meetanostomate.com; and www.dating-.crohnszone.org. (Take the same precautions meeting people at these sites as you would any other.) For additional help and information, try the Crohn's & amp; Colitis Foundation of America at (800) 932-2423 (www.ccfa.org).
Dear Annie: Our son, a single, well-employed homeowner in his late 30s, lives about a two-hour drive from us. If we visit him, it is expected that we will get a hotel at our expense, even though he has a three-bedroom home. We alternate paying for meals at restaurants. When he visits us, he expects to get our spare bedroom, plus all meals, either home-cooked or in restaurants.
When I tell him his hospitality needs improvement, I get only a blank stare in response. His mother doesn't want to cause a fuss and is content with the status quo. Any comment? Hotel Dad
Dear Hotel Dad: Children often consider their parents' home their own, so it doesn't surprise us that your son expects free room and board when he visits. It would be nice if he reciprocated, but you can't force him. You can turn the tables and insist he stay in a hotel, but your wife is not likely to go along. Try to be content that he pays for half your meals. Frankly, that's more than a lot of kids do.
Dear Annie: I read your response to "Indianapolis" regarding gifts for people who don't really need one. I would like to suggest that givers consider a donation to charity in the person's honor. At my age, I am regularly invited to 50th wedding celebrations, late second marriages, etc., and find that the honorees are quite pleased to know a donation has been made. Heaven knows, they don't need another set of glassware. C. from Tallahassee, Fla.
Dear C.: Thanks for a great suggestion -- and just in time for the holidays.
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