Trying to salvage a dead relationship

Dear Annie: My husband and I had a falling out with his cousin, "Ralph," and Ralph's wife, "Denise." We have not spoken to them in over five years.
We used to be the best of friends and spent a great deal of time together. Then I found out through a very reliable source that Denise was bad-mouthing my entire family, saying how she can't stand to be around us. She said many hateful things and really hurt my feelings, and I stopped talking to her. After six months, Denise e-mailed and asked what was wrong, and I told her everything. Instead of denying it or apologizing, she called me names and told me to grow up.
Over the years, Denise has said many nasty things about mutual friends. I never told these friends what she said, so now all of them treat us like we are in the wrong. Recently, my husband has started talking to Ralph again because he really enjoys his company. My husband told me it was time to "get over it." I feel like he is stabbing me in the back.
What I really want to do is tell my friends the awful things Denise said about them and about my family. Of course, then I would be just as bad as she is. This is eating me up inside. What should I do? Betrayed and Miserable
Dear Betrayed: You do not have to be friends with Denise just because your husband likes Ralph. Tell him he is free to enjoy that relationship, but you will not be involved. This is how you "get over" a so-called friendship with someone who is mean, hateful and lets others know she doesn't really like you. You don't have to spread Denise's poison around. It will catch up to her eventually.
Dear Annie: Last year, I enrolled at a university part time, pursuing a nursing degree with a minor in psychology. I have discovered that I quite enjoy my psychology courses and do extremely well in them, while I hate my science classes and have trouble with them.
I am thinking of pursuing a degree in psychology, but have been told that such a degree is not useful in the real world. My parents prefer that I be unhappy in nursing rather than pursue a career in psychology.
I want to please my parents and also want a career where I can be financially independent, but I dream of being a counselor to children. I'm afraid I'm wasting my college life and will end up with a job I hate. Any suggestions? Hoping for Parental Approval
Dear Hoping: Any degree is worth only what you put into it, and a few classes in college are not representative of actually working in that profession. Still, if your dream is to pursue a career in counseling, it will require some post- graduate education, but can certainly provide as much financial stability as a career in nursing. Talk to your college adviser and sort it out.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Mom in the Middle," who said her 11- year-old daughter is being ostracized at school. As you explained, this is a form of bullying. In our society, boys are taught that it is manly to be aggressive in one's defense, but the same behavior for females is unacceptable. Instead, females ostracize one another as their form of aggression.
There is a terrific book that explains this phenomenon and offers suggestions on ways to address it. It is "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," by Rachel Simmons. School Counselor
Dear Counselor: Thanks for the suggestion. Many readers also recommended checking the library for "Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls," by Mary Pipher, Ph.D. We appreciate the information and are happy to pass it along.
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