Overnight visit with co-workers upsets girlfriend

Dear Annie: For more than a year, I've been involved in a serious relationship with "Dane," a wonderful guy. We are both 24 years old, and despite the distance between us (a two-hour drive), we are very committed.
The other night, Dane went out drinking with a group of people and returned home with his roommate and two female co-workers in tow. Since they all were very intoxicated, Dane thought it would be chivalrous to let the two ladies spend the night. His roommate took one bedroom, and Dane gave up his bedroom to the two women. (Dane slept on the couch.) After dropping them off the next morning, he discovered that one of the charming ladies had vomited in his bed.
After considering the situation, I find myself a bit put off. He calls it "our bed," but then he treats it with as much dignity as a motel room. Furthermore, if he's in a serious relationship, isn't it disrespectful to have females spend the night?
I told Dane this made me uncomfortable, and if it should happen again, he ought to make other arrangements, like dropping the women off at their own place. He doesn't see an issue here. Am I overreacting? Miffed in Massachusetts
Dear Miffed: We wouldn't get too upset over this unless Dane makes a regular habit of inviting intoxicated (or not) females to his apartment. They were obviously smashed, he thought it was safer to bring them home, and he slept on the sofa. It turned out to be innocent, but when people are drunk, this isn't always the case. Yes, you should ask that next time, he sees that the female co-workers get safely to their own homes, and Dane should agree to this small concession for your peace of mind.
Dear Annie: This is a plea for all parents. Please do not appoint someone trustee or guardian unless you know they are willing to take on the responsibility. My husband begged his mother not to make him trustee over her estate, but when the lawyer read the will, guess who got the job?
Mom left my husband as trustee over money to be held for nine great-grandchildren. He will be 81 before the last one comes of age. His younger sister has to go through him to get at her inheritance because his mother felt she would spend the money foolishly. Maybe she would, but at least she would have a decent relationship with her brother.
Please don't try to control your children from the grave. It just might kill them. R.I.P. (Not) in Louisville, Ky.
Dear R.I.P.: Parents should not put their children in the position of policing one another. But we have good news. The law does not force someone to be a trustee if he doesn't want the job. Tell your husband to send a letter to the lawyer who handled the estate and resign the position. Someone else will be appointed.
Dear Annie: I'd like to respond to "Desperate," whose drug-addicted daughter kept moving in and out of the house. Thank you for telling her to keep the lines of communication open. I recently buried my 48-year-old son after 32 years of trying to let him be responsible for himself while addicted to drugs and alcohol. I became confrontational after he lost his job, wife, stepchildren, house and car. In our last phone call, he said, "Dad, whatever you do, bury me in my green flannel shirt."
Taking her clothes to Goodwill will only push her further away. Instead, ask, "What can we do to help us be a family again?" Jim in Baton Rouge, La.
Dear Jim: Our hearts are breaking for you. There is only so much a parent can do to help a child who is addicted, and we know you tried your best. Our condolences on your terrible loss.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.