Grandpa's affection toward child concerns mom
Dear Annie: I am concerned about my father-in-law's behavior toward my 3-year-old daughter, his only grandchild.
"Al" is a kind man, but he is not physically affectionate with his wife of 30 years or with his only child, my husband. Nor have I seen him be affectionate with other friends or relatives. He can't, however, seem to keep his hands off my daughter.
My mother-in-law thinks it is endearing that Al is so smitten with his grandchild. I'm not so sure. Al is constantly stroking her arms or hair and trying to get her to sit on his lap. On several occasions, he seemed to be working a little too hard to get her alone by asking her to show him a new toy or doll in a different room. He even took her out of my house once, without my permission or knowledge, while I was helping my mother-in-law in the kitchen.
Last week, I caught Al giving my daughter a kiss on the back of the neck. My gut tells me that I need to keep an eye on him. Are there red flags to watch for? Should I alert my husband? Don't Want To Be Naive
Dear No Naive: Does Grandpa watch child pornography? Does he encourage your child to keep secrets? Has he exposed himself to her, even "accidentally"? Does he ever watch her undress? Those are some of the signs to watch for. Even if you haven't witnessed any of these, we say when it comes to your child, trust your gut.
It's quite possible that Grandpa simply adores his new granddaughter, but if he keeps luring her out of your sight, you'd best watch him closely, and yes, tell your husband about your concerns. For more information, contact Stop It Now! (stopitnow.com) at (888) PREVENT ([888] 773-8368).
Dear Annie: I am a female and definitely attracted to men, but until I met "Sam," I never realized how much I hate the feel of body hair against my skin. My first boyfriend was a swimmer who shaved his body, and my second was an Asian man with little hair and smooth skin. I think Sam is the man I want to spend my life with, but his body is just so hairy. Worse, Sam likes to cuddle. But when he says he likes the feel of my baby-soft skin, I want to scream because I'd like to feel that, too.
I am afraid to discuss this with Sam. All my girlfriends say I just need to get used to the hair. Is there something wrong with me? Chandler, Ariz.
Dear Chandler: No. Many people have an aversion to body hair. You can try acclimating yourself, over time, by thinking about the hair more positively (it's soft, it's masculine, it belongs to the man you love, you can live with it). Or discuss it with him. If Sam's hair is excessive, he might be amenable to trimming, shaving or using a depilatory if you tell him it makes your nose itch when you rest your head on his chest. (Waxing is asking a lot.) Otherwise, you are faced with the bottom line -- is Sam willing to get rid of the hair, or will you have to get rid of Sam?
Dear Annie: This is for "Healthy in Virginia," whose husband suffers from chronic pain and is always angry. Perhaps his anger and rudeness are caused by his medications. My husband has been off and on prescription drugs for some time, but when he is "on," his mood changes dramatically and he lashes out at me without even realizing it. Our grown children have seen these bursts of anger and wonder what has happened to their father.
Once I realized it was the medicine talking and not my dear, sweet husband, I was able to understand. You were right to tell her to have the doctor look at his meds. Some good drugs can have bad effects. Been There
Dear Been There: Thanks for the backup. Has your husband talked to his doctor about putting him on something without this side effect? Please look into it.
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