KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox It's time to quit analyzing Bernie's love and just enjoy it

Dear Annie: My husband, "Bernie," and I have been married for 17 years. This is a second marriage for both of us. We have a good life.
For years, I have asked Bernie to tell me why he loves me. He only says, "Because I do." I've told him what made me fall in love with him, but he won't do the same for me. I'm beginning to think Bernie doesn't really love me, although he says he does. Am I making too much of this, or should I be asking more questions? Kansas
Dear Kansas: Are you looking for trouble? Leave Bernie alone. He loves you. Stop analyzing it to death and enjoy what you have.
Dear Annie: Years ago, I cut out a hilarious piece, "How to Give a Cat a Pill." Can you please reprint it? L.P.
Dear L.P: With pleasure. Please note this is a satire and not meant to be taken literally. It originally came from the Laguna Beach, Calif., Coastline News.
Giving Your Cat a PillBy Bob Story
UPick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as though holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to his cheeks. Cat will then close mouth and swallow.
URetrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat the process.
URetrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
URemove second pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open, and push pill to back of throat with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10, if you are able. Hold cat's mouth closed as well.
URetrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call for assistance.
UKneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, immobilizing front and rear paws. Ask assistant to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's throat. Flick pill down ruler with forefinger, and rub cat's throat vigorously.
URetrieve cat from living room curtain valance.
UCarefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth, and set aside for later gluing. Remove third pill from foil wrap.
UWrap cat in beach towel, and ask assistant to lie prone on cat with cat's head visible under assistant's armpit. Put pill in paper tube you've made for this purpose. Then, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow.
UCheck label to make sure pill is not lethal to humans. Sip water to take taste away. Apply bandage to assistant's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.
URetrieve cat from neighbor's roof. Remove fourth pill from foil. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on cat's neck and head outside cupboard. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
UFetch screwdriver from garage, and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw bloodied, ripped T-shirt away, and fetch another from bedroom.
UApologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
UCall 911, ask fire department to retrieve cat from eucalyptus tree.
URemove remaining pill from foil wrap.
UTie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and securely tie to leg of dining table. Put on heavy-duty pruning gloves. Force cat's mouth open with tire iron. Drop pill, previously hidden in an ounce of hamburger, into cat's mouth. Hold head vertically with nose pointed to ceiling, and pour half-pint of water down cat's throat, and two jiggers of whiskey down your own.
UAsk assistant to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor administers anesthetic, stitches fingers, forearm and removes pill fragments from eye.
UDrop off cat, along with a generous donation, at animal shelter, and adopt a goldfish.
Annie's Snippet for Income Tax Day: "Taxation with representation ain't so hot, either." Gerald Barzan
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