Seeing the elderly in a new light

This wasn't exactly the picture I had of growing old with grace, but I think I get the point:
Dr. David Lipschitz tells his elderly patients in Little Rock, Ark., to get naked in front of a full-length mirror and tell themselves and whoever else might be looking:
"I'm beautiful."
We faith and values writers from across the country gathered near Miami's South Beach last weekend to hear preachers, scholars, a Christian hip-hop artist and a Jewish rocker share their opinions on a variety of trends and topics. For me, none of it matched the power of the program whose message was reflected in the advice about the mirror. The elderly need affordable health care and medicine, a safe place to live and loved ones who won't turn their backs on them. But to live a truly good life until the end, the elderly also need to see themselves in a new light, and so do their children.
Philosophy professor Drew Leder of Loyola College in Baltimore said we need to embrace a new model of growing old -- one that doesn't just prolong the model we pursue like madmen through our youth and middle age.
Measuring success
Success in our 80s and 90s shouldn't be measured by how active we are, or by how much we can stay on the go, go, go. It should be measured by a standard in which the elderly are celebrated for maintaining their creativity and upholding their dignity even as life grows shorter and harder.
Their challenges go beyond climbing the corporate ladder or paying down a credit card. Their struggles involve living with the death of a spouse or the loss of their health, or being abandoned by children who think they have better things to do in life than visit mom in the nursing home.
See our seniors as wise guides and wounded healers able to get past all this, Leder said, and we can learn how to use what he called the tools of salvation and compassion. He was talking about our salvation, not theirs.
Dr. Lipschitz, who works with the elderly at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, said there are four elements to happiness for the aged: Love, faith, having a purpose in life, and holding on to your self-esteem.
People in long-standing monogamous relationships, he said, live longer. And studies show that expressions of belief affect your metabolism, that meditation or prayer, for example, leads to tranquility and lower cholesterol.
Forgiveness
He also said people of all ages would feel better if they forgave each other more easily. That's why he begins each telephone call to his mother by saying, "I'm sorry," figuring he must have done something wrong. She says, "That's OK," and they're able to move on together for richer things.
His mother, Dr. Lipschitz noted with a hint of pride in his voice, is having the time of her life. At age 82, having said farewell to her first three husbands after death or divorce, she's dating a 97-year-old man now.
Given her spirit, I bet there's a full-length mirror somewhere in that home.
XKen Garfield is the religion editor at The Charlotte Observer. Write to him at: The Charlotte Observer, 600 S. Tryon St., Charlotte, NC 28232.