Here are a few of life's unwritten rules

I have a sports T-shirt that displays "The Unwritten Rules."
Such as:
Everyone looks for the lost golf ball.
The manager never drinks with his players.
Don't hit the QB during practice.
Never bunt to break up a no-hitter.
And about 30 others.
It got me thinking that we can use a broader document on the unwritten rules of daily life.
There are no doubt several thousand of them.
Here are some of my own:
All family members must yield when the father wants his chair.
All food dropped on the floor legally belongs to the dog.
You can't call shotgun until you're outside.
But usually the oldest gets shotgun anyway.
Just as the youngest has to sit in the middle of the back seat when there are three kids riding.
Don't put empty boxes back in the cupboard.
Never pour leftovers into the disposal without running it.
Don't channel-surf for more than 20 seconds when other people are watching.
Don't block the grocery aisle with your cart while searching for salad dressing.
Plan ahead
When there's a long line exiting a parking lot, for goodness sake get your ticket and money ready.
Never trust someone who is rude to clerks and salespeople.
You even have to be nice to telemarketers.
If your bag is so heavy you can barely lift it into the airplane's overhead bin, then check the darn thing.
If you're over 40, you're not allowed to dress like people who are under 20.
Fathers must always keep their wallets full.
Please turn down your 200 decibel car woofers when stopped at a light.
If the light turns red after you've begun crossing the street, don't walk slowly just because you can.
When two people reach a public entrance at the same time, men yield to ladies.
The husband should do anything involving a ladder.
Never spit gum out a car window.
The dad drives.
Never wear white shoes after Labor Day (I'm not sure why, but a woman said I should add it to the list).
Don't make the pharmacist ring up items like batteries and Kleenex tissues when there's a line.
If you're more than 50 pounds overweight, you're not allowed to have an exposed midriff.
Flicking a cigarette butt onto the street counts as littering just as much as tossing a soda can.
Never swear loudly in public.
Be courteous
The world is a better place when motorists let other drivers switch lanes in heavy traffic.
When the express aisle says no more than 10 items, that means no more than 10 items.
Never take three hors d'oeuvres at a time when servers come by with trays at a party.
Let me end with one my children insist upon:
When you're old, which is to say over 35 or so, never, ever, ever try to talk like you're young.
X Mark Patinkin writes for The Providence Journal. Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service.