Hardwood and high fashion

I received an interesting e-mail the other day. It was an offer for me to take online courses to become a fashion designer.
I was impressed, intrigued, incredulous, even, that someone would consider me capable of producing haute coutureAdmittedly, this won't be easy for my online instructors. What I know about fashion can be summed up in two words: Blue. Jeans.
Or, as I related to a co-worker this week about my sense of style, "I wore my dress tennis shoes."
So, I don't expect to be invited to Paris for the spring, but I think with just a little instruction I'll be ready for a really important debut -- the NBA season.
Cinch up that tie, before you run that fastbreak
The grand poo-bah of the hardcourt, David Stern, aka The Commish, has decided that one of the really important issues facing the league is how its employees look when they show up to work.
I can only assume The Commish has watched too many players (i.e., Allen Iverson) conducting interviews in clothes he considers more befitting a street rapper than a street baller.
(A concept which seems to escape The Commish is that some, like the Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest, aspire to be one in the same.)
So, down from the summit, like some baggy-shorts Moses, came The Commish with the following decree: sports coats and collared shirts are good, blue jeans are bad.
Some NBA executives -- presumably, Stern is among them -- have become increasing bothered by the appearance of their employees, specifically at interviews.
The sight of player earning millions and wearing a throwback jersey and sideways ball cap evidently doesn't do much for The Commish and his cronies.
How to negotiatea sense of style
One player representative, Mark Pope of the Denver Nuggets, said it was his understanding during recent contract negotiations that the dress code would apply only for postgame interviews and those players who sit on the team bench but aren't in uniform.
However, there is speculation that The Commish also wants the dress code to extend to the players' travel to and from games, including charter flights and bus rides.
That's where the players are going to draw the line.
And, just to show they're going to have a sense of humor about it, came this response from the Nuggets' Marcus Camby:
"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes," said Camby.
Presumably, Camby was serious, or as serious as someone can be who's due to make $8.5 million this season.
Let that sink in for a moment. Eight point five million dollars.
(Note to Marcus, from someone who has to work approximately 189 years to equal what you're pulling down this winter: You're an idiot.)
Shoot the ball first,ask about fashion later
Speaking for an average NBA fan -- which is someone who hasn't been to a game in years because we can't afford $20 for parking, an average of $60 per ticket and $4 for a bottle of water -- my concern has never been about how the players dressed, but the fact they couldn't score enough points to keep pace with half of the area's high school teams on an average Friday night.
But, since I plan to have that fashion designer's degree pretty soon, I want the NBA Players Association to know they can call me anytime for advice.
(Although I'm going to have contact The Commish about that "no blue jeans" clause. I think we can negotiate.)
I, for one, hope Stern's dress code eventually is enforced.
Heck, if he can get that through, maybe he'll go back on the mountain and come down with a really radical commandment: "Thou Shalt Learn to Shoot 15-Foot Jump Shots."
XRob Todor is sports editor of The Vindicator. Write to him at todor@vindy.com