ANNIE'S MAILBOX Don't measure life partner by history of sexual activity

Dear Annie: I am a 30-something male who is getting ready to settle down and look for a wife. My problem is that, even for my age group, I am rather old- fashioned about personal intimacy.
I would like to find a woman without an extensive sexual history. However, it seems the only ones anywhere near my age who qualify are either excessively religious or have some issue that makes them unattractive to men. What do you suggest? Modern Prude
Dear Modern Prude: We're not sure what you mean by "extensive sexual history." If you are looking for someone who has had only one or two previous partners, you should be able to find her. If you are searching for a virgin, you'll have to look a little harder, but it's not impossible. Our mail indicates there are many women in your age bracket who have opted to save themselves for marriage, and for a variety of reasons.
Here's the lecture (you knew it was coming): A woman's sexual history is not the primary measure of her character. The person who becomes your life partner should have more to offer than sexual inexperience. Look for someone who can be your friend, who enjoys the good times, supports you during the bad times, shares your views on raising a family -- and then let marriage become a clean slate for both of you.
Dear Annie: My daughter is 24 and is getting married next summer to her 25-year-old boyfriend. She informed her father and me that after the wedding, she planned to live with us for a year while her new husband would live with his parents, and that way they could save money to buy a house.
I asked my daughter if they weren't ready to live together, then why get married? I suggested they rent a cheap apartment, and at least be together as husband and wife. I told her they could postpone the wedding for a year to save money, and she could finish school. I also gave her the option of having a smaller wedding and giving them the cash we would have spent on a larger shindig, but she said they wanted the big wedding. I also said they both could live with us, but she preferred the separate living arrangements.
I think this is unacceptable. My daughter is totally upset with me and says if I don't want her, she will live with her in-laws. Furthermore, I don't understand why my future son-in-law would marry my daughter and expect her to live with us instead of providing for her. He earns a good salary. What do they think marriage vows mean? Totally Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Your daughter and her fianc & eacute; sound too immature to be married. Perhaps you should speak to both of them together and find out what's going on. You are under no obligation to give her a big wedding, and you can choose to give her the cash instead, provided they use it to get their own place. Otherwise, we say call her bluff and let her live with her in-laws, along with her new husband. She'll be angry, but it's the right thing to do.
Dear Annie: I feel the same as "Frustrated," whose in-laws judge everyone by how obese they are. I, too, am obese and have endured comments from well-meaning friends and family and total strangers. I see the smirks and hear the comments.
One day, my uncle introduced me to his friend as his "fat niece." I'd had enough. I looked at him and said, "When my hips get bigger than your mouth, I will go on a diet." He never mentioned my weight again. Sick of the Comments
Dear Sick: Well, you certainly told him. We're surprised he had the sense to stop.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
Creators Syndicate