Annie's Mailbox 'Cartman' requires parental discipline

Dear Annie: I have been married to a wonderful man for 16 years, and we have five well-behaved children. Our families are very close. Things were blissful until my husband's brother married "Linda" and they had a baby boy, now 5 years old. This child is an absolute terror.
During family gatherings, little "Cartman" physically attacks all his cousins. He has bitten my children numerous times and has ripped the hair out of my 5- year-old daughter's head repeatedly. When we try to pull him off the kids, he goes after us. The entire visit is spent rescuing children and mending wounds.
Linda makes very little effort to discipline her son. She might turn around, put down her cigarette and tell Cartman to stop bothering his cousins. He laughs at her and continues the abuse. The last time this happened, we left the party early. Linda later apologized, and we tried again, but the same thing happened.
My children are scared to death of this child, and I refuse to go to another family event if Linda brings her terror of a son. The entire family has tried talking to her, but she makes excuses and says strict discipline will make him more violent. My husband told her that if she will not deal with her son, he will not hesitate to discipline him if he attacks our children. Linda became furious, threatened us with legal action and left obscene messages on our phone.
The problem is that my aging in-laws want us to get together for the holidays. My children are begging me not to go, and I have no desire to put them in harm's way. What can I do? Once Bitten
Dear Once Bitten: That boy is crying out for boundaries and discipline, and his parents are abdicating their responsibilities. And by parents, we mean Dad, too. Where is your brother-in-law in all this? Your husband and/or his family should approach him and suggest parenting classes, available through the YMCA, and perhaps behavioral counseling.
If he refuses, you should inform your in-laws that you will not be bringing your children to family events until they are older and better able to protect themselves. Of course, if your husband wishes to attend on his own, please don't stand in his way.
Dear Annie: My son, "Tony," is an alcoholic, and nothing I say or do seems to help. Once, he managed to stay sober for a week, but that's because he could not afford to buy any beer. He has many drinking cronies, and I worry he is just wasting away, making alcohol the main focus of his life.
Tony lives with me, pays rent and helps with the groceries. He also takes care of the yard and my car, and we go to church on Sundays. Could I be enabling him somehow by letting him stay here? Worried Mom
Dear Mom: Alcoholics must want to stop drinking, and it doesn't sound as if Tony is there yet. Please check your phone book for Al-Anon (al- anon.alateen.org) and go to a meeting. It will give you some answers, as well as some help.
Dear Annie: Last week, I received an invitation that left me speechless. It stated in large bold type that it was a "Gift Card Bridal Shower," and instructed me to buy the blushing bride-to-be a gift card from one of two suggested stores.
The whole thing is so crass, I'm not sure I'll attend. My sister disagrees. She applauds the gift-card-only shower and says she's sick of wasting weekends watching people open spatulas. I have to know what you think. Offended in Michigan
Dear Michigan: We understand why busy brides just want to get to the punchline, but we think showers should be festive gatherings with "oohing" and "aahing" (even for spatulas) and are sorry to see it turn into a detached gimme-grab.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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