KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Kids in parents' bed OK some places, but not here

Dear Annie: My divorced daughter, who lives in another state, sleeps in the same bed as her son. I didn't think much about this when he was a toddler, but now he is 7 years old.
"Lorelei" gets angry with me when I tell her this is not good for either one of them. She says someone told her it's done all the time in other countries, and she doesn't want me to bring it up again.
I believe I am correct, and if you agree, please let me know. No Name Grandma
Dear Grandma: There are some cultures where older children continue to share their parents' bed, but it is often due to the lack of additional sleeping quarters. Most pediatricians do not recommend keeping a child in the parents' bed past the age of 2 or 3.
While an occasional visit is fine (if the child has a nightmare, for example), it should not become the rule. There is some concern that the child will use the parent as a security blanket and not learn to sleep independently. There also is the possibility that the child will develop sexual feelings for the parent -- and vice versa.
It sounds as if your daughter does not want to sleep alone. She should be very careful not to transfer her needs onto her son.
Dear Annie: We can relate to "Determined in the Midwest," who wrote about the financial struggle his family has faced since his wife's battle with cancer.
Last year, our child was in the hospital for two months. It was a major emotional and financial burden. We are still struggling to make ends meet with each paycheck. One side of the family chose to give us assistance and, most importantly, was there emotionally as well. The other side took a totally different approach.
When friends held a fund-raiser to help us with medical and personal needs, the family members on that side called us "spoiled brats."
Through it all, we found the people who truly love and care for us and ask nothing in return. "Determined" should hold on to those who are supportive. May he find strength to get through the days ahead. Also Determined
Dear Determined: We heard from dozens of readers who expressed support and concern for this man and his family. Read on:
Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old woman with five wonderful children, and I have cancer. My husband has a great job, and we always had lived a very comfortable lifestyle. Now, we struggle paycheck to paycheck. We have not received financial help from my family.
It is disheartening, but I ask "Determined" to let go of the bitterness you feel toward your wife's family. Don't give them that kind of power over your lives. It takes a lot of energy to carry that type of burden, and you and your family need that energy to fight this disease. I encourage you to live one day at a time, and enjoy each and every moment you're given. May God bless you. Jeanie
Dear Annie: "Determined" expresses bitterness that his wife's family hasn't pitched in to help defray the costs. It's too bad that his anger isn't directed toward his government instead. It is astounding that Americans' health is so poorly protected. Here in Canada, we get complete health-care coverage, can see the doctor of our choice and never ever have to worry about the costs. When my mother had cancer, our only concern was for her health. Sure, there are some problems with the system, but it works and provides coverage for people across the nation. The American people can make a difference if they stay informed and support a national system. A Concerned Neighbor
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