ANNIE'S MAILBOX Symptoms could be menopause -- his!

Dear Annie: You have printed several letters about female menopause, but no one seems to care if men go through menopause. I have looked everywhere for information and cannot find any answers. I am looking for the symptoms and signs of male menopause, known as andropause.
My husband of 28 years is having mood swings and irrational behavior, saying there is nothing wrong with him, it is everyone else who is having problems. He has refused to see a therapist or a physician. Instead, I am seeing the therapist and physician to keep me sane and healthy while I work on my own menopause.
I would really love it if you could help me. Out of My Mind
Dear Out of Your Mind: Doctors agree that some men also suffer from the loss of hormones as they age -- in a man's case, it's the gradual loss of testosterone. Symptoms can include irritability, fatigue, bone fractures, osteoporosis, lack of libido, depression, mood swings, erectile dysfunction and decreased muscle strength.
Your husband should speak to his doctor about a blood test that can determine if his testosterone levels are too low, or if he has some other medical condition. There are treatments available, ranging from diet and exercise programs to hormone replacement, but your husband should discuss the pros and cons with his doctor.
For some men, andropause, like menopause, is a natural part of aging, and your husband may choose not to treat the symptoms. It's a shame the two of you can't work on these twin problems together. Show him this letter, and see if it helps.
Dear Annie: My late husband's mother has hinted that her daughter, "Martha," is going to ask if her son can stay with me while he attends college in my city.
I know already that my answer will be "no," but I want to decline in a tactful manner and not create a family rift. My former sister-in-law's family lives four hours from here, and I haven't seen Martha or her son since my husband passed away three years ago, although we do correspond every few months.
I work part time and have no desire to be responsible for an 18-year-old college student. My guest-room holds my craft supplies, and I use it daily. The only bed is a sofa sleeper. I also use that room when my daughter comes to visit.
I rarely cook these days and have settled into a life that is satisfying for me. I don't want to share my home. What should I say if the question arises? Louisville, Ky.
Dear Louisville: You can start by dropping hints to your ex-mother-in-law that your home simply cannot accommodate your nephew, he'd surely resent the lack of space and he wouldn't be able to entertain his friends. If Martha should ask you directly, tell her the same thing, adding that living in a college dorm can be a terrific, maturing experience that no child should miss, and financial aid is available. Promise to invite him over now and then.
Dear Annie: I have recently noticed that at the end of obituaries, people have been stating, "In lieu of flowers, send money to help cover the funeral expenses to the children of the deceased." Just this morning, I saw one where they asked that money be sent for the grandchild for his education.
Is it just me, or is it inappropriate to make such a request? Iowa Native
Dear Iowa: If you know a family is in financial distress due to the death of a primary wage-earner, it is an act of kindness to help them out. However, it is in extremely poor taste to advertise one's economic situation in the obituary section of the newspaper.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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