KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox Love dud might need a little show-and-tell

Dear Annie: I have been with my fianc & eacute;, "Lionel," for four years, engaged for the last seven months. I was excited when he asked me to marry him, but I've been having second thoughts. The problem? We don't have good sex.
Though sex was frequent when the relationship began, it was never really fun. He enjoys it, but I do not. I've tried letting him know what I'd like to be different, to no avail. Because of this, we have not had sex in several months. I do not even want to try anymore, because I know it will end with my thinking, "Are you finished yet?"
Lionel has many other good qualities, but sex always ends in disappointment for me. I had other partners before Lionel and had plenty of fun, so I know it's not me. I am not expecting anything phenomenal. I just want to feel a little excitement. I would really like to be involved in a good sexual relationship and am seriously contemplating seeking out someone who can meet those needs. I also have been told by others that if it isn't good now, it will never get better.
I fear marrying Lionel because I do not want to be doomed never to enjoy sex again. If things keep up this way, I think I either will have to leave him or become celibate. Any advice? Frustrated in New York
Dear Frustrated: Sexual compatibility is more important for some people than for others. Since it is necessary for you, please work this out before you marry. You say Lionel has other good qualities, so make an effort to salvage the relationship.
Tell him point-blank that your sex life is unsatisfying. You can try teaching him, using videos and books, or contacting the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists (aasect.org). If he refuses to work on the problem, or if you discover that Lionel simply is not interested in sex, it may be time to call it a day.
Dear Annie: Please answer this for me. My husband often gets invitations addressed to "Mr. John Doe and Family." I say this means I'm not invited. My sister says I am, but in a rude way. I say this is for a single parent and his children, not for a husband and wife with kids. Who is right? A Wife of 16 Years and Counting
Dear Wife: It is what lazy, etiquette-challenged people do when they aren't sure if the wife would be offended to be addressed as "Mrs. John Doe." It is completely incorrect, but you should assume that you are part of the family and, therefore, invited to these events.
Dear Annie: As a former "Annoying Roommate," I agree with your advice to the college student who said her roommate follows her everywhere.
During my freshman year, I shared a room with one of my high school friends. I made him the focus of my social life and included myself in everything he did, and he was kind enough to allow it.
One day, he said, "So, when are you moving out?" I asked why he wanted to know, and he proceeded to tell me that my tagging along was unhealthy for both of us. Over the next two hours, he told me things I did not want to hear, but he also said how much my friendship meant to him.
As a result, I made some changes. I tried out for the lacrosse team (and made it) and began to develop friendships with other people. I also engaged in a variety of other activities in an attempt to enhance my social life. It worked! To this day, my former roommate and I remain the closest of friends, and I am eternally grateful to him for helping me grow as a person and realize that my happiness is not derived from others. Happiness comes from within. Appreciative Aggie
Dear Aggie: You learned a valuable lesson and were wise enough to accept it without bitterness. We hope other "Annoying Roommates" are listening.
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