Don't tell husband what stepson should do

Dear Annie: This is a second marriage for both my husband and me. The only problem is my 30-year-old stepson, "Don." Don is divorced and the father of two young girls. Last summer, Don lost his job. Because he has a very big mouth and a lousy attitude, he had a difficult time finding another.
Don just started a new position, and his first day didn't go well. He has been living with his girlfriend and mooching off anyone who will let him, but his girlfriend is likely to throw him out if he loses this job. We have helped out with money for groceries, etc., but we cannot support two households and shouldn't have to. My husband and I are both in our early 50s, and we would like to live a peaceful life.
Don's mother lives in the same town but won't let him stay with her. We live six hours away, and although he could stay with us, he doesn't want to be that far away from his children. I told my husband that Don is a grown man and has put himself into this position, and he needs to do whatever is necessary to get out of it. My husband is so worried he literally makes himself sick, and he's already had one heart attack. Any advice? Sick of Giving Up My Future
Dear Sick: Be very careful about putting yourself between your husband and his son. Don needs to accept responsibility for himself, but it would be better if your husband reached that conclusion. Remind Hubby that he cannot support his son forever, and the sooner Don learns to carry his own weight, the better for everyone. While it speaks well of Don that he wants to remain close to his children, he could use some low-cost counseling to figure out why he can't get the rest of his life together.
Dear Annie: Is it necessary or proper for someone to say "excuse me" every time she clears her throat or coughs? This co-worker does have asthma. Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: It is never improper to say "excuse me," but unless the woman is right in front of you when she coughs, she doesn't need to do it every single time, especially if it happens frequently. You can nicely tell her so.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from "Lots of Love in Ohio," who is concerned racist family members cannot handle her plans to adopt a baby from another country.
When I planned a transracial adoption, some of my relatives refused to meet my son. Instead of becoming angry, I simply kept my son around those who were supportive, and they passed on details about him to those who kept their distance. This avoided uncomfortable situations and gave people time to overcome their fears.
I am now raising two boys, ages 12 and 13. They've become accepted members of the family, and their skin color is unimportant. Dad in California
Dear Dad: We're glad that approach worked for you. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: When my husband and I told our families we were adopting a baby girl from China, my father assured us the baby would never fit in, could never learn English and would end up in a gang. He said the adoption would affect my inheritance. I didn't back down and told him to do whatever he felt was right.
Several months after we adopted our wonderful little girl, my father came to visit. She wrapped her tiny hand around one of his fingers, gave him a big smile, and his prejudice died that moment. I hope "Ohio's" relatives can learn and grow as my father did. Colorado Adoptive Mom
Dear Readers: Here's a Mother's Day gift for the Ann Landers fan in your family. "Ann Landers in Her Own Words: Personal Letters to Her Daughter," by daughter Margo Howard, is now out in paperback. Publisher: Warner Books. Price: $14.95 (in Canada $19.95).
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