She found out by accident that he was two-timing

Dear Annie: Last year, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident. We'd gone out for dinner, and then he went to drop off a friend. Apparently, because he had been drinking too much, he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed.
Although it was the most difficult loss I have ever experienced, I was even more shocked to discover that "Tom" had another girlfriend whom he had dated for several years. His family thought I was just a good friend, and I had no intention of revealing his two-timing and leaving them with such a bitter last impression. Tom's mom eventually found out the real truth, but we never really discussed it.
Since the funeral, I have maintained a close relationship with Tom's parents, talking with them several times a month. One thing continues to bother me. Tom's mother asked me once if I'd seen him the day of the accident. At the time, I told her that I hadn't. I didn't want to complicate matters by saying he was with me. Also, I partly blamed myself for allowing him to drive, when I knew he'd had too much to drink.
This has been eating at me, because I haven't been completely honest with them, and they have the right to know. Should I tell them the truth? Devastated
Dear Devastated: Telling Tom's parents may have more to do with assuaging your guilt than giving them closure. Make sure your motives are clear.
Some parents truly want more details, and if you think this is the case, you can gently bring up the subject to Tom's mother, explaining that he'd had dinner with you and then left to drop off a friend. Don't go into detail about his drinking. Simply tell them that the last time you saw Tom, he seemed happy.
Dear Annie: After five years of being together, my girlfriend and I became engaged. Both of us have decent jobs, but we also have bills, and at the end of the month, we have very little to put away. Neither of us comes from wealthy families, nor are our families eager to give a large chunk of money to pay for the wedding. We are constantly harassed by friends and co-workers about when we're getting married, and it's become a public humiliation to my fiancee when people say I must not be serious about her because we haven't set a date.
I know how important it is for my fiancee to have a beautiful wedding. How do people afford these things? Crunching Numbers in North Dakota
Dear N.D.: The cost of a wedding depends on what you intend to have. Many couples marry with a small afternoon reception of tea and cake, or home-cooked casseroles put together by friends and family. These events are perfectly lovely.
However, if you want the spectacle, with a sit-down dinner for 200, you probably will need to take out a loan. Discuss this with your fiancee, and decide exactly where your dreams and your money meet up. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I have to reply to the cemetery worker in Quincy, Ill., who complained that widows think it's funny to direct telemarketers to the cemetery when they call asking for the deceased. He said only women like this practical joke.
When my husband died, I attempted to change the credit card accounts, bank accounts and car registrations over to my name, and made sure to send copies of his death certificate. Each time, I was told, "I'm sorry, the head of the house will have to call us." I told these people to call (800) HEAVEN to reach the "head of the house." I apologize if the phone company got some flak, but that is how I deal with insensitive folks who don't listen. Still Missing Him in Vermont
Dear Vermont: Thanks for the explanation. Your frustration level must have been pretty high, but now we understand the reasoning behind it.
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