MARK PATINKIN Vanilla cappuccino with the cha-ching

I've long wondered what the typical casino slot-machine player is like, and finally, I think I found her. Or rather, she found me.
Her name is Linda Anderson, she lives in Rhode Island but goes monthly to the world's biggest casino, Foxwoods, in Connecticut.
She called the other day to say why.
"The coffee's free and the buffet is free," she said.
Free?
"If I'm sitting at Foxwoods and ask for a vanilla cappuccino, which is my favorite, it's free. Of course, I give the gal a dollar for a tip."
She's been going to Foxwoods for 10 years, building up thousands of reward points, which can go toward purchases.
"The hubby just got one of those digital cameras," she said.
That's what you call him? The hubby?
"He's my sweetie. We've been married 46 years. We were puppies. But in those days, you got married. You didn't play around kind of thing."
How old are you now?
"Only you would I tell; 67. Bob's 68. I'm a retired nurse and he's a retired salesman. Raised three kids, put them all through college, and they're all professionals."
You just play the slots?
"That's all. All I play is quarters. Well, I play nickels, too."
What does Bob do?
"Mostly slots. He likes to play a little roulette. But typical of you hubbies, you like to keep us wives in sight."
How you doing on the slots?
"I'm not saying I don't often come home without my $200. But I'll say to the hubby, 'I had a great time.' I've never not had a great time."
How long do you play each time?
"Oh, well, now that's cute. I've been there as long as 12 hours."
What?
"I know. Other than delivering a baby, I wouldn't stay up 12 hours for anyone. But we're not just sitting there, we're having fun."
What's the thrill about putting coins in a slot?
"Oh, you men are so cute. Depending on the machine, it interacts with you. It does things. One machine is like a storm, and when you hit, it goes helter-skelter. I mean, it's fun."
Be honest -- what's the longest you've actually just sat there without getting up?
Chitchat
"Oh, my God. Four hours. But the machines kept paying. And I'm never alone. You chitchat. You holler and yell. Everybody yells for everybody else."
What was your biggest day?
"Five thousand dollars. I won $2,400 playing deuces wild and then hit another $2,500."
In one day?
"About 10 minutes. Same machine."
Are you typical of people who go to casinos?
"Oh, God yes, I'm so typical. There's a lot of us who are retired."
Are you betting your rent money?
"God, no. No, no, no, no. We're not poor. We have our own home, we've worked hard, we're comfortable."
Some say it's depressing -- people just sitting there pumping quarters.
"Oh, that's bull. Like I say, you chitchat, you shop, you see shows. Ask you this: You go out to dinner and a show, that can be $200, and no one says anything about that. We're having fun."
Why do you think retired people are drawn to casinos?
"Because it's safe. Very safe. Safer than walking the mall. There is security everywhere."
Anything else?
"Food's great, shows are great, shopping is great. Summertime, it's air-conditioned. Great people watching. A lot of the seniors like to go on the bus. It's a nice ride. They have a wonderful day."
I asked Linda if she had planned her next Foxwoods day.
"Oh, God yes. We'll leave here about 8:30, their breakfast buffet is to die for."
And, of course, while she plays, she'll get her free vanilla cappuccino.
And so will the hubby.
X Mark Patinkin is a columnist for the Providence Journal. Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service.