They're embarrassed to bring up the problem

Dear Annie: My husband and I have a unique problem with one of our neighbors. We would talk to him about it, but it's quite embarrassing. Every night between 2 and 4 a.m., our neighbor goes outside and coughs until he spits up. And every night, it wakes us up. It is so disgusting.
This neighbor is a heavy smoker. We have tried closing our windows, but we can still hear him. We are sure he does this outside so he won't wake up his own family. Instead, we are the ones losing sleep. How do we deal with this situation tactfully? Sleepless in Sarasota
Dear Sarasota: You have two options: Tell your neighbor, "You probably aren't aware of it, but your coughing wakes us up at night. We're terribly worried about you." The second option is to put some white noise in your bedroom -- perhaps a fan, a radio, or one of those machines that simulates ocean waves -- to mask the unpleasant sound.
Dear Annie: I have a friend whose son is a fantastic kid, kind and caring. The problem is, his self-esteem is in the toilet, and the boy is only in grade school. He hates himself and says that he sometimes feels like hurting himself. The family is in counseling, but this is a small town and resources are limited.
Is there any kind of group that helps kids like this? The counselor thinks the boy may have ADHD, but it sounds like there are other issues as well. Where do we start? Looking for Help in the Midwest
Dear Midwest: ADHD can certainly affect a child's self-esteem. If the boy's parents think they need another opinion, they can ask their doctor or counselor to refer them to someone in a larger city with better resources. In the meantime, give them this address: Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (www.chadd.org), 8181 Professional Place, Suite 150, Landover, MD 20785.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "A Troubled Father," who was upset that his adult daughter didn't send birthday cards to his new wife, although she did finally send a Mother's Day card.
My father, also a widower, remarried a lovely woman, and we are very appreciative. However, my father decided we could not spend time with him alone, that every visit had to include his new wife. This was never a problem when my mother was alive. We siblings used to meet Dad alone for breakfast, and it was a great opportunity to discuss things. Now breakfasts always include the new wife, and most of the time is spent listening to my stepmother.
Mother's Day is always a problem, since he expects us to shower her with the same devotion that we gave my mother. Why? She's not my mother. She is his wife. He should stop trying to force a relationship on his children that they will resent. Frustrated Stepdaughter
Dear Frustrated: Many new wives are insecure about their place in the family and go overboard to make sure Hubby includes them in everything. This can create terrible bitterness. A secure woman knows that her husband loves her, and she doesn't mind letting him have breakfast with his kids, alone. Here's one more:
Dear Annie: Tell "Troubled Father" not to give up on his daughter. At first, I felt my father had picked his new wife over his first family, and it hurt. I also had concerns about my mother's heirlooms, and when Dad told me they were set aside for me, I felt much better. My father also made a couple of trips to see me without the new wife, and that made a world of difference.
Take it from me, sending a Mother's Day card is a huge gesture. He should try to reconnect with his daughter. Every girl needs her dad. Concerned in Oklahoma
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