Confront 'Marge' about her affair



Dear Annie: My husband and I are part of a small circle of friends. We've known one couple, "Marge and Steve," for about 10 years, and our children have grown up together. We are all in our late 30s.
I happen to know that Marge is having an affair. Although I do not have any real proof, the source of my information is another female in this group who is an extremely close friend of Marge's. I had my own suspicions and confronted this mutual friend, who confirmed my worst fears.
Marge's husband is a very dear friend of mine, and a wonderful husband and father. I keep telling myself that eventually he will find out and I won't have to worry about it, but I continue to wonder if I am doing the right thing by keeping quiet. Although neither my husband nor I want to be involved, I feel as though I am dishonoring my male friend who is unaware of the true character of his wife. He adores her, and I don't think he would dream she could do this in a million years.
We go out frequently on a social basis with Marge and Steve, and it makes me feel like Marge's accomplice. By the way, Marge is rather careless about her affair, and I suspect she wants to be found out. At the very least, Steve should figure it out soon enough on his own.
Am I doing the right thing by looking the other way, or do I have a moral obligation to tell Steve? Moral Dilemma in Santa Clarita, Calif.
Dear Dilemma: Normally, we don't advocate messing in the "affairs" of others. However, sexually transmitted diseases are so rampant that Marge could be putting Steve at risk, and this makes it a health issue. You need to confront Marge with your information. Encourage her to work things out with Steve, but let her know that you feel an obligation to tell him what's going on if she doesn't do it herself -- and soon.
Dear Annie: I work for a dentist who goes to great lengths to make patients' visits as comfortable as possible. However, this same dentist ignores any infection-control procedures in the office. Gloves with the tooth debris, saliva and blood from "Mrs. Jones" will be transferred to "Joey Smith's" paper chart, the light switch, magazines, pens, etc., because he doesn't remove his used gloves. He also does not follow proper guidelines with a face mask, which should cover his nose and mouth.
Gloves, masks and safety glasses protect both the patient and the dentist, primarily from HIV and hepatitis, but also from the spread of cold and flu viruses. Please encourage your readers to observe their dental staff and other health-care providers. The American Dental Association has information on their Web site (ada.org). Yucked Out in NW Ohio
Dear Yucked Out: Thanks for the info. Have you told your employer how you feel? You cannot be the only one who is "yucked out," and he could be losing patients because of his lax practices. Speak up, or report him to the ADA.
Dear Annie: As a social worker, I appreciate the strong messages in your column about drugs and alcohol.
Today, crystal meth is an ever-growing evil that affects so many, especially children. People don't realize how addictive, volatile and poisonous this stuff is. Please encourage your readers to contact their local child abuse hotlines if they are aware of families who use or manufacture this home-wrecker. J.K. in Kentucky
Dear J.K.: Crystal meth has gained a great deal of notoriety lately, in part because it can be easily manufactured, is highly addictive and knows no class boundaries. Entire families have been destroyed by this drug. Crystal meth is speed, folks, and speed kills. For help, try Crystal Meth Anonymous (crystalmeth.org).
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