KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox She's not sure she wants to be married anymore

Dear Annie: My husband, "Lenny," was laid off from his job nearly three years ago. He decided to return to school, but he attends classes in another city. I will be living with some friends while he is in school for the next two years, and we'll see each other every other weekend.
Lenny and I will celebrate our third anniversary this year, and sometimes I'm not sure I want to be married anymore. I'm having a hard time coping with his absence. I have started to find other men attractive and did something I never thought I'd do: I made a pass at a friend. I always have been faithful, yet this one time I came so close to throwing everything away. I have no intention of telling Lenny, because it only would cause him pain that he doesn't deserve.
This is not what I signed on for when we married. How long do I have to wait before I call it quits? Washington Wife
Dear Wife: Why are you so willing to give up? Two years may seem like an eternity, but it isn't really that long. If you are committed to Lenny, and you see him every other weekend, you should not find this arrangement so impossible.
Can you find a job where Lenny is attending school and perhaps live in student housing to save money? Is there a town midway between your current place and Lenny's school where you both could live together and commute? Explore these options and see if they can work. Of course, if you don't want to be married anymore, that's a different story, and one that Lenny deserves to know about in advance.
Dear Annie: My friend, "Jake," has lived with me on and off for the last 16 years. I love him like a brother, and my kids call him Uncle Jake.
In the last two years, Jake has become less of a friend and more of a burden. He has no job, pays no bills and doesn't offer to help around the house. All he does is eat, sleep and play on our computer.
Jake has had only two jobs in his entire life, and neither lasted more than six months. He has two kids and recently stopped contact with them. The children and his ex moved 200 miles away so she could get work, because he is not able to pay child support.
I cannot understand how any parent won't fight to see his children and why Jake will not take responsibility for what he has helped create. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but he's wearing on me. If I kick him out, he will move in with his mother. This would solve my problem, but not his. Any ideas? Illinois Friend
Dear Friend: You are not responsible for Jake's immaturity, but you certainly are enabling him to continue freeloading. It's time to cut the cord. If Mom lets him move in with her, too bad, but it doesn't help the situation for you to be the patsy. Tell him you love him but he needs to grow up -- preferably somewhere else.
Dear Annie: I'm writing about the letter from "Worried in Wyoming," who fears her 14-year-old stepson, "Warren," may be a potential pedophile.
As a psychologist specifically trained in this area, it seems that the teenager is very troubled. If the boy's current therapist is not specifically trained to deal with such children, he or she is probably out of their professional expertise. I cannot stress enough how critical it is that Warren seek help from properly trained professionals. Please suggest the parents contact the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (atsa.com), 4900 S.W. Griffith Dr., Suite 274, Beaverton, Ore. 97005. James Manley, Ph.D., Kona, Hawaii
Dear Dr. Manley: Thank you so much for your excellent suggestion. A few readers also recommended STOP IT NOW!, an organization with a confidential help-line at (888) PREVENT (888-773-8368). We hope the parents will follow through.
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