Resources are generous but are not endless

Dear Annie: My spouse and I feel very fortunate to be financially well off, and we often make contributions to organizations whose goals we support.
In the last couple of years, we have made some friends in the community who are down on their luck, and we have tried to help them. (We bought one disabled gentleman a space heater and a TV.) But we now find that some of these people have come to rely on us and call us first when they feel the pinch, even when they have family members who might help instead. This is starting to make us uncomfortable. These folks are dear to us, and we don't want them to suffer, but though our resources are generous, they are not endless.
Any suggestions on how to let our friends know gently that the gravy train isn't going to stop at their station every time? Overstretched in Washington State
Dear Overstretched: You've been so generous and so accommodating that these friends assume you are eager to lend a hand. It's OK to direct them to local social services or say, "We wish we could help, but it's simply not possible this time." Better to do this now than wait until you are resentful and angry.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "SOS in California," whose husband, "Eddie," refuses to quit smoking pot. She gave up her marijuana habit six weeks ago, and though I applaud her for it, why is she being so hard on her husband? She ought to know how he feels. Her quitting doesn't mean she can force him to do the same.
She should not give Eddie an ultimatum. It will only back him into a corner and make him defensive. She should continue working on herself, attend Nar-Anon meetings, as you suggested, and let her life be an example to him. If he is a great father and great husband, she should be thankful and stop acting so holier-than-thou. Perturbed in Pensacola, Fla.
Dear Perturbed: Many readers thought this woman should tolerate her husband's pot smoking until he was ready to quit on his own, and remarked that there is nothing worse than a reformed addict. That may be true, but the problem is more complicated because they have young children and she does not want their father to set this kind of example. She is afraid to wait until he is "ready" -- since he gives no indication of ever getting there. We agree she cannot force him to quit, and she should give him every chance to do so on his own. But children imitate the behavior they see at home, and Eddie should understand the consequences of his choices.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from "Fed Up in Wisconsin," a waitress who said she dislikes customers who come in for things other than food, taking up table space that could bring in paying customers.
I am a college student. My budget doesn't allow me to eat out every day, but I often frequent a late-night restaurant because I can get cheap coffee and a snack while I study. I may sit for a few hours, but I always let my server know that as long as I have my coffee, cream and sugar, I will be fine for the duration.
I only do this late at night, so that I am not hogging a table that someone else may be waiting for, and if for some reason it does get busy, I leave immediately. To make up for the server's efforts, I tip 100 percent of my bill, which isn't a budget buster since my tab is usually only a few dollars. Perhaps other readers in my situation will keep this in mind next time. Broke in Bettendorf, Iowa
Dear Broke: You are a thoughtful patron.Thanks for a useful suggestion.
Creators Syndicate
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