KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR \ Annie's Mailbox 'Karen's' decision shows lack of integrity

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been friends with "Bill" and "Karen" for many years. Last year, Bill was diagnosed with a terminal illness and is now undergoing experimental therapies that are very painful, physically draining and extremely expensive. He can no longer work.
At first, Karen rose to the challenge and supported Bill, but now she has decided to file for divorce. She claims the problems in their marriage began long before his diagnosis, but I'm not buying it. Over the years, I've seen Karen leave a fiance, a friend and an employer when things didn't go as planned. Whenever the going gets tough, Karen gets going.
I have to draw the line somewhere. Divorcing a terminally ill man when he needs his wife the most seems inexcusable to me. Karen tells me she knows this is the right thing for her. She doesn't say whether it's right for Bill.
I was there when Karen promised to stay with Bill "in sickness and in health." If those vows mean anything, shouldn't Karen be held accountable for breaking them? My husband thinks we should write off our friendship with her. I'm inclined to agree. What do you think? Disillusioned Friend in Massachusetts
Dear Disillusioned: Karen certainly isn't showing much integrity or loyalty. She runs away when the burden weighs too heavily on her. There may be ingrained psychological reasons for this, but it doesn't make her behavior any more acceptable.
Only you can decide if Karen has other qualities that make up for her abandonment of Bill, and if so, you can continue the friendship on that limited level. Otherwise, we wouldn't make any great effort to hang on to her. Meanwhile, please keep an eye on Bill. He's going to need his friends.
Dear Annie: I'm a teacher, 54, divorced, and I live out West. I make an excellent salary and have great benefits. The problem? My entire family, two married daughters, a grandchild, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, all live in the Midwest. I have no close ties with anyone here, and it's often very lonely.
I am considering retiring early in order to move closer to my family. However, that would mean leaving a job I love and giving up an excellent retirement program, medical coverage, etc. At my age, it would be extremely difficult and exhausting to start over, should I be lucky enough to get hired. I want the financial security, but my heart is calling me to go back home. How do I prioritize? Apple Valley, Calif.
Dear Apple Valley: Can you live on the benefits you will get if you retire now? Can you put aside money and travel home more often? Could you manage with part-time employment? Do some research on the job situation in the Midwest and consider all options. While you are deciding, try becoming more involved in activities at your current location. Work for a political candidate. Volunteer at a hospital. Take an art class, or learn to tango. These are great ways to meet people. Give it a shot before giving up.
Dear Annie: I am in high school, and I ride a community van to and from school every day. I hear rap music on the driver's radio all the time. Aside from my dislike of it, I think the lyrics are inappropriate for public transportation.
Don't you think there should be some regulation about what music is played under such circumstances, especially when kids are around? Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: Your dislike of the music is not the issue. If these songs are played so everyone must listen to them, you have a valid reason to complain to the van company. If that doesn't get results, bring a set of headphones, and listen to whatever you prefer.
XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.
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